Promises Are Always Broken
by Passionate Angel229
Summary: Legal! Trouble seems to follow Lilly everywhere she goes as she continues to run from her past and future. When everything is exposed - it's not hard to fall from grace. Lillian Truscott finds that out the hard way... Lilly/Joe Loe
1. Just A Glimpse

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own either characters from Hannah Montana or characters that have featured on the Disney Channel. Hopefully everyone understands that this is fictional but I like writing things so I hope you all enjoy the story! ;)_

**Sequel: **_This story is the sequel to **All I See Is You, All I Want Is You... **I've been working really hard on this so hopefully you guys like it all!_

_Thanks!_

_Sparkz_

* * *

_Run._

_Breathe._

_Stand._

_Heart._

_Break._

_Walk-away._

_Leave._

_Tears._

_Guilt._

_Remorse._

_Regret._

_Fear._

Her feet pounded on the pavement. Her breaths short and sweet. Her heart beating faster. She couldn't turn back now. It was all too much. It was all caving in.

'_You can't always run Lillian...'_

The words echoed, her feet faltering. She couldn't control it anymore. It had only been 2 years. She couldn't only last for two years. There wasn't anything else. There wasn't anything that made sense anymore. Everything was messed up and she couldn't face it. She couldn't face what had become of her. She didn't want to be her anymore. She didn't want her life.

'_I didn't...you can't turn away...not now...'_

It was all pretend. No one cared. It wasn't a fairytale – life was hard. It was brutal. It stripped away everything and left you bare. She hated it. She hated the affect that everything had on her. She could feel it all. She could feel everything around her.

"Just...just leave me alone..." she choked, stumbling to her knees. Her palms dug into her eyes – trying to dig away the feelings. She didn't want them. She didn't want to be hurt. IT all hurt too much. 2 years and she had finally figured it out. It was just a game. It was all a game and she was the pawn. She hated them. She hated him.


	2. Shattered

The light fractured as the glass twirled – his only movement. It was like a prism; just another scientific invention. It was light, but coloured – it wasn't just black and white. Light shed colour and colour shed light. It was simple.

"Shit..." he murmured; his voice hoarse. He couldn't believe it – his hand fisted over his heart. It was painful. It was staggering. His breath was short. There wasn't anything there anymore. He could feel the hollowness. He could feel the emptiness begin to invade.

'_Get away from me...'_

Her eyes glimmered with emotion – it was only once. Her words tore through his chest; tearing down the walls. She was lethal in her words. She knew where his weaknesses were. She knew just where to hit to get him staggering.

'_Get. Away. From. Me...'_

He didn't know where it came from – he had done everything to gain her trust. He had done everything that she had asked of him and he knew...he _knew _she loved him. It was in her eyes and her smile. Her laughter still rung through his ears.

His hands fisted; the feelings raging through his veins. He didn't know what was happening but, he couldn't take it. She always ran away and he always ran after her – he couldn't anymore. He couldn't be the shoulder she expected him to be anymore without anything in return. He just wished he could stop time and go back. He didn't want to live the life he was living at the moment. He didn't want to feel the pain he was feeling.

"Fuck..." he grunted, throwing the glass towards the opposite wall. Soundlessly, it smashed, shattering into a million pieces. His hands going through his hair; his legs crumbling. The world was falling. The world around him was crumbling and there wasn't anything to hold it together. As she bolted, his world fell; as she left, she took him with her. There wasn't anything there anymore. There wasn't anything left of him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Buzz, buzz...buzz..._

"Shit," she murmured, quickly rolling out of her bed. Her feet stumbled, her legs ached – running a hand through her hair, she tried to clear her blurred vision.

_Buzz...buzz..._

"Turn that damn thing off Lillian..." he growled softly, throwing a pillow above his ear. He had a meeting after lunch and he needed to be well rested.

"I'm getting there," she snapped, throwing clothes in the air as she tried to find her phone. Biting her lip, she recognized the number immediately – wondering just how he had gotten the new number.

'_Lilly? I know you're there...you picked up...'_

"What do you want?" she questioned, her back stiffening slightly. The past was still coming back to haunt her – no matter how far she ran, she couldn't seem to escape them.

'_It's Joe...he's...he's not doing so we-'_

"Why are you telling me this Nick? I don't...I don't even know how you got ahold of me..." she whispered, quickly exiting the bedroom. She didn't want to wake the boy in the bed anymore than he wanted to be woken up.

'_Lilly...he's...there was an accident...he's not...he's not waking up...'_

"What are you saying?" she sighed, stumbling to the couch. No one had said a word to her for over 3 months and now they were calling her – begging her to do something about it all.

'_It's bad Lilly...I just thought you should know...'_

The call was short and abrupt – but she heard the hoarseness of his voice. She could hear the tears in his eyes; she wouldn't of called herself his friend if she never noticed it. It had been so long and just the sound of his voice bought back everything.

"Everything alright?"

"I don't...I don't know..." she said helplessly, staring up at him for some kind of answer. They were friends – nothing more and nothing less. He was always going to be there for her and she would always be there for him. She was thankful that he had accepted her back into his life so readily. The others...she hadn't spoken to any of them for so long.

"That was one of them?"

"Nick...Joes' had an accident," she intoned, her voice flat. She didn't want to feel anything – she had to put herself at a distance. There was nothing left of them. There was nothing left to face for them.

"You going?"

"I dunno...I really just...I don't know..." Her voice was soft – hoarse. She could feel the tears closing up her throat but she didn't want to cry. She didn't want to shed anymore tears over the boy that broke her heart. She didn't have the time or energy to do it anymore. It was over.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"How is he?"

"He's breathing...just," he responded, pulling the fragile brunette into his arms. She was his lifeline at the moment and he held on tightly. His brother was in intensive care and no one had a clue as to what would come of it. No one knew just what exactly was helping.

"I'm sorry..." she murmured into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso. She could feel his regard breathing – the beating of his heart. She wanted to take away his pain; she wanted to make him feel okay again but, she couldn't.

"I know..." he nodded, just pulling her closer. One hand gripped his brothers' tightly, while the other ran a hand through her hair. The air was thick – he could barely breathe.

"You called her?"

"She didn't...she doesn't care," he growled softly, tightening his grip on Joes' hand. He couldn't believe that she had turned away. No one knew the full story between the two. Joe hadn't talked alot since that day. No one knew how to talk to Joe anymore – one mention of her name and he flipped.

"You don't know the story Nick," she cajoled softly, rubbing his shoulders. Although they didn't know the full story – they couldn't judge. There was just something undeniable between Lilly and Joe and she knew that that couldn't be forgotten so easily. There was still feelings there and but she knew Lilly needed to come back. Everything wasn't the same anymore.

"I know that she ran away...again," he snapped, pulling away. He couldn't hear someone defending the girl that broke Joe – he didn't want too. She was the one that should be apologising. She was the one that broke the boy. She needed to come back and fix it.

"We don't know Nick...we can't," she sighed sadly, trying to catch his gaze. She knew he was hurting but he couldn't take it out on her. She didn't deserve his anger. She just wanted everything back to the way it was.

"I just wanna go back Miles...I just wanna go back..." he choked, the tears falling. He didn't know what to do anymore – the world around them was crumbling. Everything was getting torn away and nothing was left sacred anymore.

* * *

"_You know...everythings' changed now," he spoke, his words echoing through the darkness. It was just the two of them. There wasn't anyone else to invade the moment – there wasn't anyone else to help them through it._

"_What do you mean?" she questioned, playing with his fingers lightly. The others were just next door – sleeping form the previous concert. She had been out of hospital for a month and everything was going good. Nothing was falling apart – not yet._

"_You...me...us...everythings' different," he shrugged, smiling slightly at the blonde. He was thankful that she stuck beside him through the long nights. The adrenaline was still pumping through his veins and the music still brimmed beneath his skin. _

"_How do you mean?"_

"_I love you Lillian..." he whispered, leaning towards her – leaning his forehead against hers. There wasn't anything holding him back anymore. Truths were released between them and he could finally trust her. He wasn't waiting on bated breath to see if the last word she said was a lie or truth._

"_I love you too Joe..." she replied, grazing his cheek lightly. The world stopped when he looked at her like that. Everything slowed down so it was just them. They could breathe the air together and feel the heat between them. He was right – everything was different._

_His lips met her in a searing kiss. His arms ran down her side to grip her hips tightly – pulling her across his lap. _

_Twining her legs around his waist, she flushed their bodies together – running her fingers through his hair. She breathed deep, clenching her eyes closed tightly; she didn't want it to end. She didn't want to wake up one day and feel like she used too. Right there, right then – she felt like she was supposed to. She was wanted. She was loved. She was everything she had every wanted._

"_God, I love you..." he murmured, pulling her in for a deep hug. He didn't want to lose her again – he couldn't. His world revolved around her now and he couldn't stop it. He loved her – fully. He couldn't pull away anymore. It was all for nothing now._

* * *


	3. Butterfly Kisses

_Joe set the helmet back down and walked over to her. A breath away in only two long strides. He cupped her chin, avoiding the forming bruises, but she flinched anyway. _

_"Careful!" _

_"I've got it," he said, wiggling his fingers in front of her. _

_"O...okay." _

_"You know you don't have to pretend with me right?" _

_"I know." _

_"Do you?" he asked firmly, gripping her shoulder with his other hand. His fingers were strong and yet there was a gentleness in his touch. _

_"I know you loved him, that's all. I know it must have been hard to lose something so...precious." _

_"I'm not the only one that lost something, Lilly," he said softly and his voice dropped so low she barely heard him. _

_Lilly's head jerked up and her gaze was sorrowful. It wouldn't take much for the tears in her eyes to fall if he kept this line of conversation up. "Don't, please Joe..." _

_"Come 'er." Joe pulled her into his arms, careful of her skin. He knew she was sensitive about the bruises. It wasn't her fault. The accident had nothing to do with her yet she wreaked the damages._

_He whispered soft, nonsense words into her ear, his mouth so close she could feel his heated breath and it sent a shiver down her spine. No one had held her so close in a long time. She broke down in Joe's arms one night after drinking herself into a drunken stupor. Since then, he made an effort to touch her. A kiss on the back of her head. A touch of his hand on the small of her back. A brush of fingers across the dinner table as she passed the rolls. Anything to make her feel normal. And it was working. She was finally coming out of the cocoon she'd spun after the accident had destroyed her. _

_She was maturing into a beautiful woman and everyday she became more and more beautiful. He was noticing. Try as he might to ignore the feelings that were popping up, he couldn't. _

_"Hey," he said, gently pushing her away so he could get a better look at her tear-stained face. _

_Women weren't supposed to look good when they cried, Miley had told him that. His past girlfriends were horrible criers, their eyes got puffy and their noses would run, but not Lilly. Lilly's skin glowed, her eyes got huge and her lips swelled and damn him, if he didn't want to kiss every single teardrop away. And maybe if her skin wasn't so bruised, he would have kissed her until she had no tears left. _

_But as it was, he just studied her and when a fat droplet fell off her cheek and slid down her collarbone, he followed it with his finger. _

_She seemed shocked at first, but then returned his smile. "I must be a mess," she said softly, barely above a whisper. She puffed out her cheeks with a deep breath and stepped back. _

_"You look fine," he assured her, "beautiful even." _

_She laughed. A really good, gut laugh and then smacked him on the arm, playfully. _

_"You're a charmer Joe. A terrible liar, but a charmer nonetheless." She smoothed her hands over her face and wiped off the last remnants of her salty tears. _

_"Hey, why don't you come with me? I've got enough gas to get us anywhere and enough food for two." _

_"Are you sure? I mean, I know you like to be alone to think and stuff." _

_The smile on his face faltered some. "I don't like to be alone. No one does," he told her firmly and there was a desperation behind his words that she never expected from the fearless leader. _

_"Well, no. I didn't mean... You know, a trip on the bike sounds like a good idea. It'll give me a chance to clear my head and not feel like such a freak, at least for a little while. You're one of the few people who isn't afraid of me." _

_He grabbed her arm a little rougher than he intended. "You are not a freak." He looked pained as the words left his mouth. "Anyone that thinks that is someone you don't need. Jack didn't tell you that, did he?" _

_"God no! He just said that I was too young and that when I was older I'd understand." _

_"Condescending asshole!" _

_"Hey, that's what I said!" she laughed. _

_"You know I don't mind touching you, don't you? You know I don't just do it for you, right?" _

_"Yeah, sure," she said cooly. _

_"Lilly." _

_"Yeah?" _

_"I'm serious." _

_Lilly grew a slight bit uncomfortable. She didn't need to hear anymore lies about what people thought of touching her. She knew Joe did it out of pity. There was no other explanation. "I know." _

_Joe huffed, drawing her closer. His lips hovered so close to hers she could feel the heat of them and it was almost as if they were touching. The warmth, the heady scent of mint filled her senses and she tried to squirm away. He held her tighter and lifted a hand to her cheek, smoothing out his fingers and letting them run back through her hair. "I like touching you," he said finally after a full minute just standing there like that with her in her arms. It came out huskier than he intended and he felt her shiver. "In fact, sometimes I wish I could touch you more." _

_He released her then, stepping over to the bike and bringing a long leg over the machine to hug it between his thighs. "Coming?" He teased, very aware of the double entendre. _

_Lilly took a minute to catch her breath, then she licked her lips. She took the helmet from his outstretched hand and settled in behind him. Wrapping her arms around his torso suddenly aware of how toned and refined his muscles were._

_--_

_After hours of driving they actually came across a park where Joe set up a picnic. To Lilly, it was one of the sweetest things she'd remembered anyone ever doing for her. Not that she'd had a lot of sweet things done to her throughout her life. _

_They had eaten in relative silence and it wasn't uncomfortable as she thought it would be. In fact, it was nice. She didn't feel pressured to keep a conversation up. Joe never made her feel pressured. _

_Finally after filling herself with strawberries, Lilly rolled over on her stomach. Propping her chin in her hands she glanced over to where Joe was laying. His hands were tucked behind his head and because of the sunglasses he never took off, she couldn't tell whether he had drifted off for an afternoon nap or if he was just resting like her. _

_"Joe?" she prompted. _

_"Hmm..." _

_"What is it about me? Besides the touching thing, is there like a red flag somewhere on me that sends the wrong kind of man my way?" _

_He sat up quickly and he looked angry. _

_"There's nothing wrong with you," he said firmly, "I've never met anyone more giving or understanding than you. Don't you know that you're the only one that makes me feel normal? Like I'm not some kind of lesser man because everyone can see me yet no one really does?" _

_Lilly sat up then too. "I see you, Joe." _

_"I know you do." His voice sounded strange when he spoke, clouded. Almost scratchy like he was on the verge of tears. She wished she could see his eyes just once. _

_Lilly crawled over to him on her knees and took his hand. She rubbed her fingers over his palm and wished she could lay a kiss on the delicate skin between his thumb and finger, the part of his hand that wasn't quite as rough as the rest. _

_"Don't do this to yourself Joe. It's not your fault. She was the one that betrayed you, it wasn't the other way around. I don't need to look into your eyes to know that you'd never lie to me, even when it's hard to tell the truth. That's the kind of man you are. If she couldn't see that...well then, that's just sad and I feel sorry for her." _

_"Thank you," he said, squeezing her hand. _

_The minutes passed and they sat like that for a long time before Lilly cleared her throat. A spark of an idea was in her big doe eyes and they sparkled with mischief because of it. "Joe, would you do me a favour?" _

_"Sure, I guess." _

_He was sceptical, she could tell. _

_"Let me see..." She held her breath. _

_"No, Lilly..." _

_"Joe?" She said shakily. _

_"I'm sorry." He tried to push her away, but she wouldn't budge and he really didn't have the strength to hurt her after she'd been so gentle with him. "It's been a long time since someone..." _

_"Shh...I know." _

_His chin tilted up and it was as if he knew exactly where to look even though his eyes remained closed. "Remember what I told you before about liking touching you? _

_"Yeah?" _

_"Well, I guess I didn't tell you the whole truth." _

_"The whole truth?" _

_"Yeah. I don't just like touching you and I don't just wish I could touch you more." He took a deep breath. "I wish I could touch you everywhere." _

_"Joe." She gasped when his hands came to her hips and rolled her over so he was pinning her to the ground. _

_"I want to kiss you." His breath feathered over her cheek and she felt like her chest was caving in, not from his weight, but from the intensity of his words. She never thought anyone would be saying that to her. _

_"You can't. It's not..you can't..." Even as she wanted it, she couldn't let it happen. There was already enough hurt in her head and she never wanted to hurt Joe. Not ever. _

_"Do you trust me?" he asked, his voice raspy, his fingers skimming past her shoulder to her side and fanning lightly out, just grazing the underside of her breast. _

"_I...yes..."_

_Joe moved over her. She groaned slightly when their hips made contact and she felt the evidence of his desire straining against her. "Don't be scared," he whispered. _

_She could feel his face coming closer. Could hear the hitch in his breath and sense the strain in his forearms as he raised above her. Even with the sun shining in his gaze making him blind, he seemed to know exactly where she was, exactly how close he could get without touching her. _

_"Close your eyes." His voice was the same hoarse whisper and she wondered how he knew her eyes had been open. _

_A second after she did, she felt a slight tickle against her cheek and then her nose, forehead, and so on until he had covered her entire face. The feeling was too quick to be lips and too soft as well. The sensation was good though, very good. It made all her nerve endings alert, like she was coming alive for the first time in years and her heart beat quickened. Then it dawned on her as he made the rounds again, slower this time. He was using those magnificently long and thick eyelashes against her skin. _

_"Butterfly kisses," she murmured drowsily. _

_His hand skimmed her side, while the other kept him braced above her. He let out a ragged breath. "I wish it could be more." _

_"It's more than you know," she whispered, pulling him against her, revelling in the heavy weight pressing into her. _

_He rested his head in the crook of her shoulder, protecting her neck by the silky scarf. _

_It felt right for both of them. Natural, like it'd never been any other way._

* * *

"Kevin?" he asked cautiously, entering the room. His gaze was trained on the outside window, leaning his forehead against the glass – alone in the white room. "Kevin..." he repeated forcefully, stepping back as the older boy caught his gaze. It was bare.

He didn't speak for a moment – just staring at Nick.

"Kevin..."

"What if he never wakes up?" His voice was quiet – unused.

"He will...you've just gotta believe," he said confidently, because if there wasn't faith...what else was there? We couldn't live in a world where there was nothing to believe in.

"Lilly?" His eyes sparked with curiosity.

"She's...I don't think she'll be coming," he muttered, gazing towards his fallen brother. He was so pale and lifeless – it was hard to believe that it was Joe in the bed. He couldn't believe that that was what became of his brother.

"I don't understand...any of this..." Kevin sighed, crumbling into the seat next to him. Things were spinning out of control and he couldn't stop it at all. He was supposed to be the _big brother_; she was supposed to protect his younger siblings yet there was Joe...just a piece of what he used to be.

The boys sat in silence – staring from their hands, to the other, to Joe. The world continued to spin as they breathed in the air. It was thick with sorrow and hope. It was unmistakable. No one knew what the outcome would be for them, not even the doctors. Their parents were sleeping – having some time to gather their strength. Their family was slowly falling apart around them and they couldn't stop it.

"Um...sorry...am I...am I interrupting?" a voice intruded, wafting through the silent room. Their gazes turned towards the door – widening in recognition. She was a sight for sore-eyes. She had changed, so much that she was almost different. Her blonde hair was still long but it was no longer straight – she had made it wavy with purple highlights. She wasn't the same anymore.

"What are you doing here?" Nick snapped painfully, glaring at the blonde. He couldn't believe that she had the audacity to turn up in the hospital when it was more than likely that she was the one that caused his brother to be there.

"You called _me _Nick...you tell me," she shrugged, brushing off their cold stares. Her gaze was trained steadily on the floor – she didn't want to look up. She didn't want to see what he looked like. She didn't want to see him damaged anymore than she had already seen him. He was broken when she left – she didn't want a repeat of that image.

"You won't even look at him..." Kevin murmured, noticing her trained gaze. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel towards the blonde, but he knew that he could never hate her. She was his little sister – just as she was Nicks' sister. There was something undeniable about Lillian Truscott that none of the Jonas Boys' could resist.

"I don't even know why I'm here..." she whispered, turning around. She gripped the door handle behind her tightly, her other arm was gripped tightly by Nick – halting her escape.

"You can't just run away again Lillian...you've gotta face this," he growled, tightening his grip on her wrist. She couldn't walk away just when she walked back into their lives. They were all hurt from what had happened but the only ones that knew the truth were Lilly and Joe.

"Let go of me," she glared, her voice dangerously low. The rooms' temperature immediately dropped in the room and she turned towards the brothers.

"Just look at him Lillian," Kevin ordered, stepping away from the two. He could see that Nick was shaking but he wasn't sure if it was from anger or fear. The girl could be damn scary when she wanted to be.

She followed his order – raising her gaze to find the boy in the white bed. It was damaging, seeing him like he was. He wasn't the same. There was purple bruises trailed along his neck and chest. Wires were extending from his veins and his skin was pale. There wasn't the tan that there used to be.

She stepped forward, her hand extended. Her breath caught – her world crumbled alittle. He looked fragile. He looked broken. There were dark circles under his eyes; she could see the strains of what had happened appearing on his body. "What...What happened?"

"It was all a blur...Things weren't working so we-"

"What the fuck _happened?_"

"He was walking – the driver wasn't looking. It was an acci-"

"Where's the driver?"

"He walked away...it was a hit and run," Kevin answered, stepping back. He reached for Nicks arm and pulled him back aswell – now was not a time to mess with Lilly. She looked dangerous; her tone cold. Maybe they shouldn't have brought her back.

"You let him get away?!" she asked incredulously, eyes widening. Her hand shakily reached for Joes' but she pulled back – if she touched him, would he be cold? He looked dead; lifeless. She didn't want to touch him incase her world shattered.

"You've got no right to judge Lillian...you weren't there during the past 3 months. There are aspects about our lives that you've got no idea about anymore. You've got no right to judge," Nick snapped ruthlessly, glaring at the petite blonde. He couldn't believe that she was back and making snap judgements. She didn't know what it was like between the brothers anymore – she couldn't make anything out of them. She left and she had to deal with the consequences.

"Get out..."

"What? You get out Lilly...you don't belong here anymore," Nick retorted, stepping back into the room. She had no right to come in there demanding things. She wasn't anything to anyone anymore – she left that when she left Joe. She didn't deserve a second chance anymore.

"I'm still his _fiancée_ Nicholas – now get out," she growled, turning completely away from the other two in the room. She couldn't deal with them – it was trialling enough as it was. Running away was something that she had to do but to return and have Joe like he was; she didn't want that.

"You can't come in demanding thin-"

"Get out Kevin...just...please," she begged quietly, her voice clogged with tears. She didn't want to break down infront of them and she was thankful that they gave her that one piece of peace.

She walked to the window quietly, her foot-falls echoing the sound of the heart monitor. It was a slow, steady rhythm. The only noise left in the room as the brother departed. Things were falling apart and she wasn't ready. She didn't want to face what had become of their relationship – especially when Joe was in his condition.

Leaning her forehead against the cool window, she sighed sadly – there wasn't enough time in the world left for them. When she walked; she vowed that that was the end of it. She wouldn't put them through the turmoil again. She didn't know if her heart could take anymore of the indecision that hung in the air between them. She couldn't breathe when he looked at her – she couldn't breathe when he wasn't there.

She stared at the ring on her left-ring finger – she hadn't taken it off. Despite everything that had happened; she _couldn't_ take it off. Turning back to the boy, she stepped towards his bedside – leaning over the dark-haired boy. She could feel the despair lingering in the air as the bruises continued to form on his body.

She bent over him, resting her hands on either side of his head, holding her weight above him. Her face brushed against his, a tear escaping as she closed her eyes. She didn't want to see him like he was but she was trying to face it for her hearts' sake. Her check brushed his, her hair feathering across his lips, cheeks, eyelids – she was as still as she could be. She didn't want to touch him, she didn't want to feel his skin against hers but she couldn't stop herself. The tears built up as everything came back.

Opening her eyes slowly, she turned her head – getting as close as possible. It was just a simple touch; too quick for lips or hands. Her heart beat quickened. Her body hummed at the graze.

"Butterfly kiss..." she whispered against his ear; trying to still her beating heart. She leant back, slumping into the chair beside his bed. She didn't know what she was supposed to do exactly but, she was there.

'_Promise me you'll be there when the sun rises...please...'_

"I promised Joe...I'm sorry..." she cried, crumbling into the chair. She didn't know what to do anymore. Everything was just out-of-control. There was nothing the same anymore – time had changed everything. Her world was torn; she didn't know if she could stay. She never meant to cause such damage.

* * *


	4. Lost

"She still in there?" she nodded, indicating towards the closed door. It had been a couple of hours but the others left them to their privacy. They left them to their secrets.

"Yeah..." he sighed, burying his face in his hands. He didn't know what to do anymore – they had all been together for so long that it was difficult to function without her as part of their group. There was always going to be a missing piece when she was away.

"You okay?"

"I dunno...everything – she still wears it you know...she still wears the ring," he murmured, looking towards the brunette. He knew that they had been on 'shaky' ground ever since Lilly left, but, he had hoped they were healing. He didn't know quite what life would be like now that she had returned.

"It is _hers_ Nicky...she's allowed to wear i-"

"Not when she walked away Miles," he interrupted, rising to his feet. He paced back and forth – his gaze continuously resting back on the door hiding his brother. He wanted to know what they were saying to each other. He needed to know that Joe was safe in her presence.

"They're engaged Nicholas...it's not for us to judge," she snapped, glaring at the pacing boy. She hated how he always jumped to his brothers' defence – there was always two sides to the story. Lilly may have had her secrets but, she wasn't always the scape-goat for their relationship; Joe had his faults too.

"It is when she leaves him like that Miley...you didn't...you weren't there...you didn't..." his sentence trailed off as the tears clogged his throat. He could still see his brothers' lifeless form on the pavement – bones in wrong angles. He was horrified. "You didn't see..."

"It's gonna be okay Nicky...It'll be okay..." Miley whispered, pulling the broken boy into her arms. It hurt to realise what just was happening. Everything was changing – it was spiralling out of control. Nick was breaking and Miley was barely holding on.

He shook violently; letting the images invade his mind. Joe was his brother, in every form possible and he only wanted to protect him. Kevin, he was in a world of his own, broken in the corner of the room. They were losing hope in Joes' survival – he had been in a coma for far too long.

Kevin watched lifelessly, his brother was finally breaking. Their hope was fading. Their world was ever-so-slowly crumbling around them. He wasn't able to protect his brothers anymore – he had failed. He was supposed to be the 'big brother;' he was supposed to be the saviour. He couldn't save Joe and that was what hurt him the most. He had lost himself along with Joe.

* * *

"_Come in," he called out, spitting out the toothpaste in his mouth._

_The door creaked open and Lilly walk in, all tousled hair and sleepy eyes._

_Rinsing his mouth, he tossed over his shoulder his infamous smirk. "Why, good morning Lillian..."_

"_Morning," she mumbled, hopping up onto the bathroom counter in front of him and grabbing her own toothbrush. He took a second to appreciate her long, slim legs in his boxers, the pair she often slept in when they were on the tour bus. She never needed her own pajamas anymore – she could use anything of his. She'd paired the boxers with a 'best-of-both-world' tour t-shirt – also his he noted with a smirk. They looked better on her than they ever had on him._

_Joe splashed water on his face and reached for the can of shaving cream, only to have Lilly snatch it out of his hand. _

"_Let me?" _

_Nodding, he stepped between her open legs. "You're up early," he said, raising his chin as she carefully spread the shaving cream over his lower-face._

"_I've gotta talk to Miles about her performance for the movie – it has to be top-notch," she joked, sticking her tongue out as she trailed the razor-blade over his face. She leant forward with one hand on his bare-chest for balance as she began to pass-over his face. Joe rested his hands on her legs, his thumbs brushing the soft-skin on the inside of her thighs. Her fingers clenched on his chest in response, her nails digging lightly into his skin. She felt him breath in-deep, closing his eyes. _

_It had taken awhile – the trust was still being built – but she soon got the hang of it. There were only a few times when he had shown up to practice with bits of tissue paper on his face; it was worth it to feel her so close to him. It was part of their routine – it was some of the only time they got to spend together._

_Joe towelled off his face, rubbing his cheek against her lightly – loving the laughter that erupted from her throat. He placed a quick kiss upon her nose, "Nick work love."_

"_I try," she shrugged impishly, sliding off of the counter and flushing their bodies. She stayed there, locked between his arms at either of her sides. Biting her lip, she looked up at him through wide eyes, "I've gotta talk to Miles."_

"_You've got a few minutes," he shrugged, sliding his arms to grip her hips. His fingers clenched against her skin as she trailed her arms around his neck._

_Just when he dipped his head down, she smoothly sidestepped out of his grasp. It was difficult, denying him, but she knew that things wouldn't get done if they continued. Nothing had progressed between them further than heated kisses but she couldn't deny the physical attraction towards him. She needed to get herself under-control before they did anything else; mornings were when her guard was down. It was easier to get carried away when there was nothing holding them back._

"_Gotta go Joey...love ya," she smirked, winking towards the pouting boy. She knew he had wanted to kiss her, hold her – but she couldn't. Not in such close-proximity._

* * *

Her hand glided along his cheek, spanning across his lower lip – dipping to his neck. She traced the scar there, remembering her butchered attempt at shaving him; she thought they'd have to go to the hospital.

'_I live for danger...'_

His fabled words echo in the empty room; shivering down her spine. It was all just memory, it wasn't real anymore. Everything faded with time, even love. Nothing was for sure in her world – everything seemed to fade away so quickly. She didn't want him to fade away too. She didn't want _him_ to be just a memory for her to relive.

"I don't want you to go..." she whispered, reaching for his hand but, she flinched away as soon as she made contact. She didn't want to touch him – it would make it harder. "I don't want you to go and leave me here...not...not like _this._..."

Her feet lead her to the window, her gaze watching the rain fall. "It's interesting really...the rain. It falls on the glass of the window. It can't help moving down, it has no choice – it's how gravity works. It can't decide if it wants to stay there, but it can decide how it falls. It can turn and twist any-which-way and fall as fast as it wants too. But there's one thing it can't do, one truth it can't escape. It can't choose where it wants to end up...it just gets there..."

She turns her head back towards the lifeless form of Joe; tears leaked through as she stifles a sob. "I think...I think I've always been pulled in a new direction; one shift change to the next. What's worse is...I feel like I'm on the outside looking in...Like I'm watching myself move, but I'm unable to stop me..."

Leaning against the window, she sighed, running a tired hand through her hair. She didn't know why she was talking to him. She didn't know why she was saying what she was saying. She knew that he needed a reason, but, now wasn't the time. He couldn't hear her – he couldn't respond. But, she couldn't help it. With him there, with everything coming back, she couldn't help herself. She couldn't control the words that left her mouth.

"You can't even hear me..." she laughed, the sound coming out as a gasp. She wiped her tears away, breathing in deeply. Her gaze settled on the closed door and she knew that the others were waiting for her. She didn't owe them anything – not after everything that happened.

"God Joe...you've gotta make it come back to you everytime don't you," she snapped, her voice drifting through the quit room. She could feel the despair wafting through the door; surrounding her. She didn't want it – she didn't _need_ it. Everything had to revolve around the boy before her and there she was again; bending to his every wish. She should have never come; she should've stayed with Ryan. She should've stayed away.

"You can't run again Lilly," a voice stilled her movements, turning the girl around.

"Oliver..."

"That's me Lilly-pad," he smiled half-heartedly, waving at the blonde. The others had voted for him to go in to greet the girl – there wasn't as much animosity.

"What are you...how did you..."

"Just seeing how you were both doing Lilly...heard you were back in town," he shrugged, keeping his distance from the blonde. He didn't want to forgive her so easily as he knew he could.

"I couldn't...with everything that's happened...I couldn't just not _come_, you know? He's still...He's still Joe..." she sighed, falling against the wall behind her. Her emotions were out-of-control and she just needed time to breathe. She needed time to catch her breath and understand just what exactly she was doing there.

"You just left...running away never solves anything..." he murmured, looking down. He didn't think it would be that hard talking to her again – she was Lilly, his best-friend. Now, she was a complete stranger.

"Ollie...I'm...I'm sorry..." she broke, collapsing to the ground. Everything was caving in and there was nothing to support her anymore. She leant into Oliver as he offered her his support; twisting the lapels of his shirt as she clung to him in desperation. She needed that support. He was helping her to breathe again.

* * *

_Hopefully you guys are still enjoying the story? If you have any suggestions, either send a review or PM me :)_

_Thankyou!_

_Sparkz_


	5. Spoken Words

"_Come with me," he whispered, entwining her fingers with his. He led her outside, loving that she trusted him to lead her anywhere. She would blindly follow._

_She gasped as she looked around. Petals were floating above the pool, rippling with each movement. Candles surrounded the beautiful image, giving an ethereal vision to it all. Music softly wisped through the air. Twisting in the air. "You...you never told," she smiled, turning back to the boy. She knew he was special. He was what she dreamed of. Her future lay in his hands._

"_It was a surprise," he whispered, pulling her into his embrace. He squeezed her tightly. Smiling, as she wrapped her own around his waist. Burying herself within his arms. Leaning on him. Giving him herself. Fully, totally, undeniably._

"_I love it," she choked, tears entering her eyes. She needed this. Her parents...they had split. This, it offered a bit of peace from her whirlwind family. She clung to him. Fearing he would slip away. "You didn't ha-"_

"_I wanted too," he interrupted, wiping away the stray tears. He knew what she was feeling. He could feel it within his own soul. It was heart-wrenching. So much pain. He needed to take it away. Give her some time to think. Some time to figure out where she stood._

"_Thankyou," she nodded, leaning towards him. Her lips touched his. Her tears mixed. Arms encircled . She could feel him pull her closer, trying to replace her pain. Trying to breathe his life into her. She could feel his hunger. He wanted her. He needed her. Just a touch. A glance. Anything to make him feel sane._

"_Come on," he breathed, pulling away from the kiss. It wasn't time for them. They would wait. They had the rest of their lives._

* * *

_Time stood still as she lay in Olivers' arms – his soft humming comforting her. She didn't think she'd feel his arms around her again; not after she turned away from all of them. She didn't mean to leave them behind. She didn't __want_ to leave them all behind but she needed a clean break from everything.

"Are you gonna tell us anything Lilly?" His voice broke through the silence, pulling slightly away from the girl. He didn't want to push her into anything – he didn't want to push her away again.

She stayed silent, staring at her own hands. She couldn't speak – not about the past. She didn't want to face it all. She didn't want to see their looks of regret when she had told them. Things had just gotten too out-of-control for her to handle anymore.

"The others...you've gotta give us something Lils – it's not fair," he pushed, squeezing her hands gently. He knew if he pushed too hard, she'd close up completely; but, he needed to make it clear to her – she did have some explaining to do. She couldn't just turn away and expect them to be completely forgiving.

"Life's not fair Oliver," she retorted, turning away from his searching gaze. She didn't want to hear what he had to say – they didn't know. They didn't know what had just made her run; she knew that Joe wouldn't tell them. The boy had learnt to keep a few secrets since they had gotten together.

"You still wear it I see though," he pointed out, looking towards her left-ring finger. He tried to keep his voice neutral; unemotional. She didn't need to know that she had hurt everyone more than she had thought.

"He's my _fiancée_ Ollie...why wouldn't I wear it?"

"You walked Lilly – some may say that that's an indication that you don't wanna marry Joseph," he shrugged carelessly, looking towards the door. He knew that Miley would be against it – trying to hear just what was being said. No one would interrupt; everyone knew that Lilly wouldn't only talk to him.

"You have no idea Oliver," she snapped, turning away. She hated how much that statement had hurt her. She didn't want to feel anything when her past was mentioned – she had hoped it was all left in the past. She hated him for making it clear that her heart still resided with another. She hated him.

"Give me something Lilly..." he trailed off quietly, his voice laced with a plead. He couldn't _not_ care that she was right there but un-willing to say anything. He wanted to know what had happened because then, then they could fix their mistakes.

"It's not my _something_ to give Oliver – it's Joes' story to tell," she stated, turning back to the boy on the bed. Her gaze narrowed accusingly but she couldn't say anything. When he woke he could set everyone straight – she wouldn't do that to him. She didn't want him to wake up with all the questions.

"He...he did something? He's completely _inlove_ with y-"

"And you think I'm not?! God! Everyone takes his side in this! There are two people in this relationship Oliver and Joes' not as _angelic_ as he appears okay? No ones' perfect," she broke, standing to her feet. She ran her hands through her hair; letting out a frustrated sigh. Nothing was going to be solved while Joe sat in that bed.

"No one...we don't thin-"

"I shouldn't have come...I shouldn't have come here," she rushed, opening the room door. Her gaze was down as she stalked out of the room – Oliver calling behind her. She couldn't handle the questions.

"Where are you going?"

"I shouldn't have come," she repeated, keeping her head down and walking forward. She was stopped suddenly when Miley reached out and grasped her wrist; holding tightly.

"No you shouldn't have...but you're here now, which means you must care alittle," she said, tilting her head to the side as she studied the blonde. Her grip on the girls' wrist only tightened when Lilly began to pull away.

"I never said I stopped Miley," Lilly sighed, trying to pull away from the girls' grip. She didn't know when Miley had suddenly gotten so strong but, she hated her at that moment. She didn't want to be there anymore.

"Then why are you running?"

"I can't...not anymore Miley...I can't do this," she whispered, tears entering her eyes. She swore to herself that she wouldn't cry over him anymore but she knew that it was already broken. The wounds in her heart were still fresh and she needed to get away before she broke. She didn't want to break infront of the people infront of her.

"What are you talking about Lilly? You're not...you're not making any sense..." Miley questioned, gripping the girls shoulders gently. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as the blonde continued to shake her head – her hair flying everywhere.

"I just...I can't..." she cried, pulling out of Mileys' grasp and running towards the doors. She couldn't face them at the moment – it was all just too much. The world was spinning. Everything was getting smaller and smaller. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe when everyones' eyes were on her like they were. She couldn't breathe when they were all looking at her.

"Lilly! Lilly!" Miley called, running after the girl. She wouldn't let the blonde get away so easily – not when she was right there. Not when everything could be healed if she only stayed put for a minute. Things needed to be said – the air needed to be cleared.

Her world stopped – her world fell. The walls caved in as her breath shortened. She couldn't breathe. Her eyes were unfocusing. Everything was beginning to blue. She faintly heard her name as the world turned to black.

"Lilly!" Miley shrieked helplessly, running to her fallen friend. She didn't know what had caused the sudden attack but she knew that Lilly needed help. With her heart disease and the emotional stress that was going on – it was no wonder that Lilly had fainted. Everything was spiralling out of control and it seemed that Lillys' disease only came into play when everything got too much for the girl.

* * *

"Hey Joe..." Kevin murmured, walking into his brothers' hospital room. He staggered slightly as he caught site of his brother in the hospital bed but shook himself out of it. He had to be strong for the rest of his family. He had to be the one that they leant on – he had to be the support beam.

"You've missed alot you know? Mom and Dad...they're...they're not doing so well with you in here. They've been in their own world for awhile now – praying for your good health. Frankie is too; his misses his older brother. Nicks' copping some flack for not being as funny as you..." he laughed lightly, holding back the tears of exhaustion and hopelessness. His faith was wavering and he didn't really know how to handle that. His brother didn't deserve to be in a hospital bed fighting for his life. Life wasn't fair.

"The fans...they've been so supportive – a couple even tried to sneak in and see you. You're lucky we caught them in time or else who knows' what would've happened..." he sighed, running a hand through his curly locks. He thought talking was supposed to help but, he couldn't think of much to say. He was speechless when it came to his family.

"Joe...Joe..." he whispered, stepping forward to grip his brothers' hand tightly. He squeezed it, trying to get a feeling from his unconscious brother. "You've gotta wake up bro. There's so many people...so many people that want you to get better. And...and Nicks' not doing so well with you in here – he's breaking lil'bro. I ca...I _have_ seen it. Please...just...just open your eyes..." Kevin choked, letting the tears fall freely. The image of his brothers falling apart was something that wouldn't leave his mind. He couldn't help the protective side of him from coming out. He blocked out the shrieks of Miley as he stared at his brother – urging him to just make some kind of movement.

Bowing his head; he leant his forehead against their joined hands. He prayed silently – relying on the one thing that had gotten his family through some tough times. Faith was something that you had to believe in but, it was wavering.

"N...n...no..." a voice muttered, stirring a movement within the eldest of the brothers. His head shot up, his eyes wide. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe – he had to see it with his own eyes.

"Joe? Joe...just...just squeeze my hand if you can hear me..." Kevin breathed, darting his eyes between Joes' face and their hands. He needed a sign before he called for help. He needed to make sure that he wasn't mistaking the action taken by the boy. He needed to believe in faith again.

Joe could hear him, he could hear everything that had been going on but it hurt too much. He couldn't move, his eyes couldn't open – everything hurt. Using the most of his strength, he sent the signal to Kevin; squeezing the hand in his gently.

"Help! Someone, please help!" Kevin shouted, thrusting his head out of the door. He could still feel the grasp of his brothers' hand and the smile erupted on his face. Everything was getting better – everything was beginning to heal with time. His eyes darted over the group on the floor and towards his brother who was running towards him.

"What? What is it? Is he okay? Nothing has happened has it?" Nick questioned frantically, gasping for breath. He had just run back from the cafeteria; his stomach pulling him away from his brothers' side.

"He's awake!"

* * *

_Joe is finally awake!!! Yah! I know that's what everyone was waitin' for...just remember though - he's still not out of the woods just yet. Things are still a mystery to every...including me haha ;) Review! :)_

_Thankyou for reading all this way btw!_


	6. Something More

Everything hurt. The light was too bright. The sounds were too harsh. Life was too harsh. Everything was just too much…

"J...Joe?"

His eyes wavered, wincing in the brightness of the room. It hurt to open them – a simple movement soon turned strenuous. "Wh...Who?"

"It's Kevin...and Nick...you're awake," he stated, going to stand beside the bed. He was breathing hard – excited to see his younger brother awake. Everything was beginning to mend in their lives.

"H...wat...water..." he choked, releasing a series of chest-coughs. He didn't know where he was, but he knew he was hurt. He could feel the pain deep within his bones – staggering his breathing.

"Here...here bro," Nick rushed to his side, placing a cup full of water to Joes' lips. His eyes widened as Joe greedily sucked at the water – gulping down the liquid as if he was dehydrated. He could see the pain that he was in just trying to look out into the room but, he was proud that his brother was trying. Joe was trying to be the 'brave-soldier' that everyone thought he was – he didn't have to pretend with family.

"Thanks..." Joe murmured, stiffly nodding his head at his younger brother. He hated that they were seeing him as he was. He didn't want to be viewed with sympathy – he had seen in it enough in the past three months. He didn't want to see it again.

"You had us worried lil' bro," Kevin smiled, holding back the cheer of joy. He knew that Joe was still reeling from the accident – he didn't want to push Joe any further than he was allowing. Things needed to be said but there was time for that later. It was family first in their lives.

"I didn't mean...I wasn't thinking..." he whispered, turning away from their gazes. He couldn't deal with what they thought of him at the moment – he just wanted to go back. Everything in the present was dark and harsh; he just wanted to go back when he was happier. He wanted to go back to when things were easier in life – it hadn't always been that hard.

"No one blames you Joe...you weren't...you were going through something," Nick consoled gently, squeezing his brothers hand in support. He was never told what _exactly_ had happened between Lilly and Joe all he knew was that his brother been damaged after-wards. There wasn't the sparkle in his eyes that used to be there.

"Lilly..." he choked, closing his eyes as his heart clenched painfully. He wasn't sure if it was the physical or emotional pain that was crippling him so much. He thought that with time, Lilly's presence would have diminished in his heart slightly but it hadn't. She was still the only one that his sent his heart beat racing.

The brothers looked towards each other – unsure whether to tell Joe or not. They didn't know how Joe would react or what they would actually say. There was so much history between the two that neither of them knew how to react.

"Joe...there's something...there's something that you should know about...about Lilly..." Kevin started, looking towards Nick for help. He didn't know how to finish the conversation – he didn't know how to break it to Joe. He was unsure as to how Joe would take the news.

"She's okay isn't she?" he questioned, concern flooding his eyes. He knew that it was expected for him to hate her, but, she wasn't the only that was at fault. No one else knew where the blame lay in their relationship apart from the two of them. His heart wouldn't stop beating for Lilly – he knew she knew that.

"That's the thing Joe...she's...she's in the hospital as well...unconscio-"

"Which hospital?"

Kevin and Nick looked at each other before turning back towards their fallen brother. "This one."

"I wanna see her," he demanded, determination entering his eyes. He couldn't believe that she was there – just within walking distance to him. He had to get to her. He had to make her understand what had happened. He had to make her listen.

"Joe...you're hurt...you can't...you can't leave..." Nick trailed off, tilting his head as his brother tried to sit up. He leant forward to help him, only to be halted by a deadly gaze.

"I was in an accident Nicholas – I'm not handicapped," Joe snapped, glaring at his brothers. They were just standing there when they could be helping him to reach Lilly. She was so close and he needed to see her. He needed to reach her.

"You're not leaving this room little bro," Kevin retorted, leaning against the doorway casually. He knew that Joe wanted to see Lilly – anyone in his position would want to but, he couldn't. Miley had said that Lilly was awake but resting; unresponsive to anyone. The girl needed a break and he would give it to her.

"Lilly's' here..." he sighed, looking helplessly towards his two brothers. He knew that they had seen the change in his persona – even thought he had tried to hide it. The media knew nothing of what had happened; they all acted as if there was nothing wrong. They were celebrities – they lived the fairytale life.

"She was visiting...she was here to see you – I called h-"

"How'd you find her number?"

"She's the Head of Hollywood Records Joe...they had to have her number on record somewhere..." Nick shrugged, looking towards Kevin for help. They could both see the pain that Joe was in but they were helpless to stop it. Neither of them knew where the pain lay.

"She was here..." His eyes closed as his fingers clenched, the faint feeling of her hand in his own – breathing her air. He shivered as he remembered her touch; a simple graze of her hand, a glance of recognition. He remembered everything and it hurt to know what he had lost.

* * *

Left, right – one foot in front of the other, the pace was slow, he could barely move with the stiffness of his muscles. The IV was still in his arm, attached to the steel pole he was leaning on. His breathing was haggard – his heart was rapidly beating. He needed to see her – he had to make her understand just what had happened. He needed her back in his life.

"Joe?! What are you doing? Go back to bed!" Miley shooed, startled as the boy opened the door quietly.

"I needed...I needed to see her," he stated, inching closer to the blonde in the hospital bed. His breath caught, his knees' buckled – it was heartbreaking. She still had the same effect on him; she could have him begging at her feet if she wanted him to do so. There was something about her that left him breathless and wanting more.

"You shouldn't be here Joseph..." she warned softly, glancing worriedly towards the older boy. She watched as he just slowly inched forward, his hand extended towards the white-sheeted bed. Time seemed to stand still as he approached; only Lilly's' soft breathing any indication that it was happening.

"I want.. I want to...please Miley," he pleaded softly, sitting softly atop the white bed. His hands shook slightly at the nearness of her – his gaze turning towards the younger brunette. He could see the indecision in her eyes but he knew she knew nothing of the reason why Lilly had turned away. The others couldn't handle the truth when it came out but, he just needed time with Lilly. He just wanted to sit with her while she breathed – he just needed to be close to her.

Miley bit her lip and widened her eyes. She had never had Joe look at her so helplessly before; she closed her eyes to stop the tears. It was hopeless to try to keep the two apart when there was obviously so much love between them. She breathed deep, opening her eyes to meet Joe's, "Sweet nibblets..." Her feet moved on their own – quickly opening and shutting the door. She would leave them too it; she didn't really know Lilly anymore. The blonde was still her 'sister' in every way that counted but, she had left. She had deserted them in favor of Ryan – she didn't know what to believe of Lilly anymore.

Joe turned his gaze back towards the blonde; taking a deep breath. He didn't know if he was ready to _talk_ to her yet – not after everything that had happened. He knew that she had needed her space; she had needed to think. His knuckles whitened as he gripped the sheets around the blonde tightly – all the walls were breaking down again and he couldn't breathe. The world was spinning and tilting in different angles; making him sick. The memory took hold as the rest of the world turned black.

* * *

_He ran after her. He knew he shouldn't. She didn't want him. She didn't need him. Her eyes had gotten to him. They displayed the feelings she refused to share. Her hurt, her anger, her smile. The love she refused to show the world. Her ambition clouding her senses, she refused to let anyone close. _

_No one else saw. Her eyes glazed as she stared at him. It used to be love in the brown orbs, but now, it was nothing. A bleak emotionless being, somehow, she had changed…Adapted to a life without anyone. _

_"Lilly..." he called softly, knowing she was there._

_"What do you want?" she snarled, her eyes narrowing. She hated him. He wasn't what she needed anymore. He had betrayed her. He had left her alone. She had been in need of a shoulder, and he turned away. She hated him._

_"Are you okay?" he asked, stepping closer to the shaking girl. He could see the wetness on her cheeks. They sparkled in the light. A glimpse of feeling. A touch of hurt. She was feeling something. He ignored the hate in her eyes. He knew she hated him. _

_"Get out Jonas," she whispered, turning her head away from his searching gaze. She didn't need him now. She had her dreams. She had Ryan. She had her life. He wasn't a part of that anymore. That was his choice._

_"Are you okay?" he repeated, kneeling before the fallen girl. Her eyes closed, and her head was turned away from him - but, he knew she needed him. He was the only one willing. They used to be...something. Neither could describe it. It wasn't friendship, it was something else. They could feel the others presence. They knew how the other felt. It wasn't love, it was too strong. They were connected and he wanted it back. He needed it back. _

_"I'm fine," she bit out, glaring at the audacity of the boy. Here he was, kneeling in front of her, his brown eyes pleading - but, he had ignored her just before. Let his eyes trail sadly after her. She didn't need fake apologies. She didn't need fake friends._

_"Lilly...you're lying," he sighed, rocking back on the balls of his feet. He always knew when she was - she got defensive. She built up a wall around herself, and only she could knock it down. He used to be able too. He used to be the one she ran to. She used to tell him everything. There were no secrets between them. She needed the truth and he needed her._

_"I don't owe you anything Jonas," she stated, crossing her arms. She stared at the boy. Never would he look her in the eyes - not when she was hurt. _

_"You used to tell me everything," he whispered, hurt lacing his voice. He needed her to understand. He couldn't move. Not from where he was. She needed him. He could feel it deep within his skin. The blood coursing through his veins called to her. Remembering her touch, remembering her love, remembering their love… no one could replace it. _

_"I didn't change that Joe, you did," she replied, her own voice quiet. She was surprised. He was hurting. Just like her. He was regretting. The hurt she was causing him hurt her. She could feel the connection, brimming beneath the surface of her skin, clawing to be set free. But she couldn't let it. "I saw you...I saw you with her...How...how could you?"_

_"I think...I made a mistake," he sighed, finally falling. He sat opposite her, knee to knee, eye to eye. Regret clear in his tone. She was incredible. Driven. Wanted. He knew the stares of others. He had seen the approaches. He clenched his fist as he remembered. Rage boiled below the surface. _

_"We all make mistakes Joe, some are just more real than others," she said, placing a tender hand on his cheek. He needed this. He needed the forgiveness. She couldn't give it. He had caused too much hurt. She couldn't forgive and forget. It wasn't in her. He needed to earn it. He needed to show that he truly cared. _

_"I'm sorry," he choked, leaning into her touch. He had missed it, the tender feel of her hand. The perfect way their bodies fit together. He was craving her touch. Anything, a brush of her fingertips against his skin, a stroke on the arm, lingering eye contact. She wouldn't give it. She ignored him - turned away just as he had done to her._

_"So am I," she whispered, tears entering her own eyes. She pulled her hand back, not missing the hurt in his own at the action. They needed to start anew. But, he needed forgiveness first. She couldn't give it, not yet. It was too soon. He needed to show his love. _

_"I need you Lilly..." he begged, placing his own hand on her cheek. He smiled slightly as he saw her lean into the touch, kissing his open palm. A shiver ran through his body. Passion threatened to engulf him. He needed to touch her. _

_"I'm sorry," she stated, pulling out of his grasp. Tears slowly made their way down her cheek. She stood, gazing down at the broken boy. He was hurting, anyone could see. But, so was she. She needed to heal before opening again. She walked past him, seeing the longing in his eyes. Turning back, she looked closely at the boy. He was crying, his face in his hands. Heartbroken sobs escaped them._

_It wasn't love, no, it was something more._

* * *

He buckled – remembering the night she had walked away. He had no idea it was happening. It had all happened so fast; there had been just too much movement. Lilly had him trapped between the wall and her view – he was stuck. There wasn't anything he could've done to prevent it.

His hand trailed along her cheek – lightly grazing the skin. He smiled softly; remembering what it was like to be able to touch her. He just wanted it to go back to before. He hated not having her by his side.

"Joe?"

"What?"

"I don't think...maybe you should...I mean, with everything that's happened-"

"Spit it out Miley..." he snapped harshly, glaring at the intruding brunette. He quickly pulled his hand away; flinching as Lilly whimpered lightly, leaning towards his touch. He didn't want to hide his affections but the others had no idea.

She paused, eyeing the boy up and down. She had noticed his posture – bent and looking over Lilly. It was kind of like it used to be; Joe being over-protective of Lilly, trying to save the girl from all the pain in the world. He wasn't able too, but she had to give him 'props' he had tried. "You're not gonna leave are ya?"

"She's still my fiancé Miley..." he sighed softly, walking towards the chair near the top of the bed. He was tired; his medication finally kicking-in. The effort of moving was too difficult – everything was too painful. He wanted to rest; he wanted to sleep with Lilly by his side once again.

"Just...just be careful," she whispered, closing the door. She'd leave them to sort everything out – hopefully, they'd learn what had really happened.

"Lilly..." he whispered, gripping her fingers tightly. His eyes closed – her presence setting him at ease. He could see she was okay; she was right in front of his gaze. There was still a lot of mending to do but she had come to his side – she had dropped her life to be _by _him. It meant something that she cared. It meant everything that she was there.

* * *


	7. Fight For You

I stirred, my eyes tightening in protest at opening. I wiped them with the back of my hand weakly, my fingers tangling in my hair. I flexed my fingers experimentally, noticing a hindrance, my gaze swept down – widening as I caught sight of _him,_ my worst nightmare and my happiness all-rolled-into-one; what a contradiction. He was here and he was holding my other hand in his hand.

The room gleamed with _cleanliness_; the beach visible through the window. I hadn't been in here before – I hardly even remember the beach. I sigh escaped my lips as I glanced towards the boy at my side; everything was coming to a head and I didn't know if I wanted to be here.

Suddenly, he moved – opening his gorgeous brown eyes to look up at me. His hair was sticking up at odd-angles and he automatically dropped my hand; I ignored the pang of regret as he pulled away. He was looking at me with wide eyes and a sad smile was sent my way.

"Hi." His voice was just as soft as I remembered – his phone messages still haunted me.

"Joe," I nodded, biting my lip gently. I could still see the bruises around his chest peeking through the hospital gown he wore. I didn't want to turn away from him when he was sitting there so helplessly. I _hated_ him but, there was still something about him that was ever so arresting.

"You...you scared me," he murmured, looking down slightly. He ran a hand through his hair – tousling it even more.

"It's just the disease – too much stress and everything," I said, my voice hoarse. Joe was watching me hesitantly – turning to see if anyone would be coming inside the room anytime soon.

"I'm...I'm...I'm sorry." He stuttered – his brown eyes looked so hurt and pained that I almost believed him. _Almost._

"Joe...not...not here..."

"No Lilly! You wouldn't hear me out before." Joe struggled with his words.

"Joe...please..." I'm begging – I _hate _it when I beg. He wasn't supposed to get sympathy from me anymore. He was the dick that broke my heart; he didn't _deserve_ my sympathy.

"Believe me Lils...please..." I waited, allowing him the time to gather his thoughts. His eyes were wide and earnest; baiting me to continue to give in. Good _fucking _luck with that one buddy.

"I will… if you tell me why you did it." It wasn't the truth but I had to give him something – I _needed_ to know why he had done it.

"_I_ didn't do anything." Joe struggled to keep his voice under-control. I had managed to crack his facade – score one for me.

"Yes you did."

"She kissed me! I didn't even have time to push her off when you walked in!" He was breathing heavy and laboured– fear rippled through me as I realised his condition. He wasn't the best person to get upset at the moment.

"Don't you _dare_ put that on me Joseph," I snapped, clenching my fists tightly. There was _no_ way he was putting his 'indiscretions' onto me. No fucking way.

He took a deep breath before looking away – running a hand through his hair.

"Look at me."

"After...When you walked away, I tried to go after you but...but she grabbed me and kissed me. I couldn't...You're in my head Lilly..._all_ the time. I can't _function _without you." I looked away guiltily. I didn't want to hear what he had to say anymore.

"Jo-"

"I just...I can't do it without you Lilly." He cut me off – carrying on as if he didn't hear anything I said. "Just...why didn't you hear me out?"

I looked at him, biting my lip gently. I didn't _know_ the reason why I had walked away – I just didn't want to deal with it. Then everything just caved in. "I don't know."

"After everything though...you ran to Ryan?" His eyes searched mine but I turned away. My breath hitched.

"It was the only place." It was true – Ryan was the only one I could go too. He was the only one that was _there_ through thick and thin. Miley...Miley hadn't even spoken to me for a good three and a half months.

"Lilly..." He sat up, brushing his fingers across my hand. His eyes didn't move from mine as I tore mine away to stare at our entwined hands. Joe had gotten closer than I anticipated – I felt I should slap his hand away but I couldn't, no matter how much I hated the boy.

"Joe...don't." My voice caught, and was raised an octave higher than normal. He wasn't supposed to have that same affect on me. The break was supposed to dull the pain – it only made it worse.

"No Lilly...you obviously don't seem to understand – I love _you_..." His deep voice rang out in the room – bouncing off the white pristine-ness of the walls.

I watched him; memorising his every movement. I hadn't forgotten his nervous habit of ruffling his hair – he had done it several times since I had opened my eyes. I smiled in-spite of myself - I could still make him act out-of-character.

"I just...I can't. I won't." My gaze turned away, the noise of his exhaled breathing the only comfort. I had missed his presence beside me but, I couldn't forgive him that easily – I didn't know if I could at _all._

"Just...why won't you let me in Lilly? Stop...stop pushing me away again." His voice was thick with emotion – stumbling over a few words.

I turned back to him, trailing my gaze along his face. I could see the pain the distance between us had caused but I knew that it wasn't over. Nothing could be fixed with just words – he needed to show that he was actually sorry.

I trailed a hand along his cheek, blushing as he kissed my open palm. There was something severely intimate about the gesture. "I don't...you hurt me Joe. _A lot_....I just...I don't know..."

He closed his eyes, leaning into the hand I offered. I tried to pull it away but my hand wouldn't move – my body was moving on its own accord. Damn it.

"Let me try..."

My breath hitched – his voice was soft. I hadn't heard that tone from him before. It was different – it affected me more than I wanted to admit. I could feel my heart beating; I could feel his gaze on me. My hand was still outstretched; gliding along his cheek and jaw-line.

"I don't know..." My voice was quiet – echoing in the room. My eyes clenched painfully as the words were released. It was the truth; I didn't know if I could. My heart hurt too much. Everything was just getting too painful to deal with. I didn't want to face it alone but I didn't know if I could face it with Joe by my side. I just...I didn't _know._

* * *

"Lilly! So glad you called to say you were in the 'HOSPITAL'?!" I winced gingerly as the boy shrieked rather girlishly, wrapping me tightly into a hug.

"Aas...befmmn..." I struggled in his grip, pulling myself from his grasp. "Air. Necessity – you deprived me of it..." Answering his look.

"Nice of you to tell me you were in here...with Joe Jonas of all people!" His whisper was scandalous – his eyes extremely wide. I had forgotten just how 'girlish' the boy could be when it came to secrets.

"Please...just...just don't Speckz." I had turned away – I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to _think_ at all at the moment. I just wanted to watch TV. I just wanted to go back when things were _normal._

"Fine...I'll back off but, you've gotta tell me sooner or later." He just grinned, shouldering my over-night bag and waltzing towards the exit. I cursed his sauntering walk as I followed him; wondering how he could be so nonchalant about it all. They were his friends too.

"You guys are leaving?"

I stopped, afraid to turn around. I knew they'd be all standing there – sad faces and regretful words. I didn't want to hear it; I didn't want to listen to them – not _yet._ I just needed to think about it all. I needed to process the situation.

"It's time to go." God save Ryan.

"You just got here." Fuck off Miley – stop pushing.

"It's time to go." Settle down Ryan; there's no need to let words turn vicious.

"Can we just...can't we just talk?" .Always the voice of reason, which was Kevin.

"It's _time_ to _go._" Fuck, Ryan hated repeating himself – insults would start flying soon if no one stepped-in.

"Lilly...please..." His voice broke through and I turned around. I glanced down; watching as he held my gaze. The wheel-chair he sat in didn't do anything for his 'looks.'

I bit my lip, swaying form side to side. I didn't know what to say. I didn't _want_ to disappoint them but I didn't want to give in.

"It's ti-"

"Okay," I whispered, bowing my head. I felt Ryan's incredulous gaze on my back but I ignored it – I knew what had to be done. I had to give the boy a chance to explain and I had to give my heart time to heal.

"Okay?" When did Joe become so hesitant? He used to be confident – I didn't strip that from him as well, did I?

"I'll be there...just name a time and place," I nodded, smiling weakly at the boy. I would let him have his chance. He could explain later on – for now I just needed to breathe.

* * *

_She was sitting on a beach with Joe, nestled between Joes' legs with her back pressed firmly against his chest. Joes' arms gently encircled her waist and his chin rested on her shoulder. _

_They were watching the sunset while they still could – the bus would be leaving and they'd be on the road again. Surrounded by so many people for as long as they were; so many things irritated the both of them. _

_Lilly felt Joe nuzzle against her neck as she shifted into a slightly more comfortable position. They had been out there for a couple of hours; the silence was comfortable. She was safe in Joes' arms._

"_Beautiful..." he murmured in her ear, voicing both their thoughts._

"_Mhmm," she agreed, the forming of words was too much of an effort. _

_Lilly smiled – trying to remember how she had ever lived without the boy. He was the centre of her world now. She lifted a hand to stroke his cheek – snuggling deeper into his embrace. She didn't want to leave._

"_Lilly..." His voice was soft; a nervous tilt to it. Her curiosity peaked as she slightly turned to look him in the eyes. "I...I love you..."_

_She grinned happily, biting her lip gently. She could feel something changing in the air but, she couldn't ignore the butterflies' in her stomach. They still hadn't faded with the amount time they had been together. "I love you too..."_

_He smiled brightly, quickly placing a sweet kiss onto her lips – pulling away before she could make it deeper. Ignoring her pout of disappointment, he shifted her around so she was straddling his hips and fully-facing him. _

_He breathed deeply._

"_Joe...is something...is something wrong?" Her question was quiet, her brow furrowed.. _

"_Lilly...Lillian...I love you..." he repeated softly, running a hand along her cheek._

"_We've established that Joey," she giggled, tilting her head curiously to the side. He was stumbling over his words – Joe never did that._

"_I wanted...I wanted to ask you something..." Lilly felt the warmth of Joe's breath against her cheek as he spoke – sending shivers through her spine. Her heart was beating faster with every hitched breath he took._

_He reached behind him; one hand staying on her waist, the other clutching something in his hand tightly. Her eyes widened as her breath became uneven._

_Joe opened his hand and she inhaled sharply – placing a hand over her mouth. Her eyes widened as they glistened with tears. She looked up to meet his gaze, a soft smile encompassing his face. _

_In his hand lay a ring – it was an Italian style with gold and silver entwined together. There was a small diamond in the centre; sparkling in the setting sun. Her breaths were short, coming in gasps as he took hold of her left hand – entwining his fingers with the other._

"_Will you, Lillian Truscott, marry me?" He breathed deeply, trying to settle his nerves. There was just something about Lilly that made him rethink every move he made – especially this one. _

_Lilly felt dizzy, her heart beating faster as she took her shortened breaths. Tears welled in her eyes as she gazed from him to the ring and back again. It was unbelievable – she didn't think it would ever happen. "Joe..."_

_She was quiet, gazing steadily between the boy and the ring. He bit his lip in confusion; scared as to her lack of reaction. "Li...Lilly?"_

"_Yes," she whispered, giddily wrapping her arms around his neck. She squeezed tightly – squealing as he squeezed her back just as tightly. _

_He chuckled, clutching her towards him. There wasn't any doubt in his mind. She was the one for him and he couldn't help but want to make her his._

* * *

"I see your hospital stint hasn't stunted your zoning-out skills." I wanted to wipe the smirk right off of his face but I knew what he meant. It wasn't my fault the memories were haunting me.

"Shut up."

"Wanna tell me?"

"No," was my excellent response. I couldn't establish anything else for him – I didn't really want to either.

He swayed silently, hands in pockets – whistling a merry tune. I knew what he was doing; trying to irritate me enough into spilling my secrets. I wouldn't break. I was Lilly; I could resist anything.

"Shut up." _Jingle bells, jingle bells..._It wasn't even fucking Christmas yet.

He continued.

"Shut it Ryan..."

Another Christmas tune escaped his lips.

"Stop it." He better not continue that irritating noise. "Alright! God...you have to be so fucking annoying you know that right?"

"It's a talent." He shrugged and grinned impishly. He took a seat, placing his feet comfortably on the coffee table provided for us. It was nice to be friends with the famous people – there are some perks to the life.

"An annoying talent," I muttered, running a frustrated hand through my hair. He could always get on my nerves like no one else – it was a talent and it _was_ annoying. Luckily for him, I knew he meant well in his curiosity.

"I went. I visited. I listened. I learned...things aren't always black and white I guess..."

"Taking your own advice I see," he smirked, raising an eyebrow in challenge. I didn't respond, my thoughts elsewhere. He'd get the full story later on but, I didn't have to think about everything.

Joe had left everything in my hands and I knew the others had no idea. Since Joe had stayed, he was the victim – never mind the girl that had to run to get away from it all. There were several changes within the group and I was angry that their manager had not kept me informed. Nick had always been reserved but now he had further withdrawn into his shell, Joe wasn't as outgoing and Kevin – Kevin rarely talked anymore. I didn't like it that my absence had done that. It wasn't supposed too. It was supposed to give everyone space, time – everything that was needed to mend a broken heart.

* * *

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_Thanks for reading so far!!_


	8. It's Always You

"You know, one day…you'll have to answer the phone…" he murmured, eyeing the blonde cautiously. He didn't really understand what was going on but he knew that she was beginning to heal. He could see it in her eyes – in the way she moved.

"I am…I will…I just…I can't at the moment. I will though…I'm trying," she stuttered, widening her eyes as she glanced between the boy and the ringing phone. It had been ringing constantly for over an hour – she had to admit that he was persistent.

"Lillian…you shouldn't have to push yourself to try. It should come naturally if you're willing…you are aren't you?"

His questioned stilled her glances. She was willing – wasn't she? She said she would try; forgiveness didn't come that easily to her. She knew she didn't want to lose her friends but; everything was blurred. No one really knew the reason she had left – she could see it every time they spoke to her in the hospital. Joe hadn't told them, either ashamed or angry that she had left. She needed to clear the air for her and for them. She couldn't always be wondering what if? It wasn't in her to leave things half done – everything always needed to be completed or answered. Everything needed to go back to the way it was.

"That's the thing Speckz…" she whispered, flicking her gaze to match his. She could see the confusion within his eyes but she knew he was beginning to understand. It seemed as if she was doomed to repeat everything within in her relationships. She hated that it took so much of her to forgive someone – she hated that it took so much out of her. "I just…I don't know anymore…"

* * *

The wind whipped through her hair, a sigh escaping her lips. It was the only way she could think – it was the only time she was left alone. Ryan was great, he was everything she needed at the moment but, he wasn't _who_ she wanted.

She wanted Joe, she knew she did but; her body wouldn't let her. She knew it was stupid, that she was being stupid but, it was instilled in her to make people work for it. They needed to earn her trust and he had – but, he had lost it. He had made her turn away and run – he had driven her to revert back to how she used to be. It was all _his_ fault.

"Hey."

The voice startled her but she wasn't afraid. She could pick the tone out from the darkness at any time of night – it was drilled into her mind. She couldn't forget no matter how hard she tried too.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Just walking…" she shrugged, turning to face the boy. He looked different – now that she was actually looking. He didn't look like he once did; he was older but there was something else. There was something in his eyes that was missing.

He paused, studying her as she bit her lip. He didn't know what to do – he couldn't read her. He had never had trouble reading her before but now he was. She was continuously pulling away and he couldn't grasp why. She needed to clear up the hazes in his mind. She needed to solve everything that was wrong with his family.

"You want…you want company?"

She tilted her head, watching as he scuffed his feet. She fought the smile that threatened to break through and she didn't want it too. She didn't want to show a weakness towards him. "You _want _to walk with me now?"

"Don't make me that guy Lilly," he snapped, grasping the girls' arm as she started to turn away. She couldn't make him the bad-guy in everything – she had done some damage aswell.

"And what guy would that be Nick?"

"The guy that you continuously blame…we're not the only ones that caused a riff," he explained, trying to reason with the blonde. It was hard because he knew what she was like – he used to be her best-friend. He knew that things changed but, there was something about pain that seemed to stick around.

"You walked away! You walked away from _me!_ You don't get to come in here and expect things! No…its not gonna be that way Nick…just…not anymore," she stated, ripping away from the boys grasp. Her skin burned where he had touched her and she hated that. She hated that they still affected her the way that they used too – feelings were supposed to fade with space.

"You walked away first! _You _left _us_ Lilly! Again! You just turned away and thought what was best for you! Did you even think about the rest of us when you were gallivanting around with Ryan?! Huh? Did you think about how much that hurt Joe! Or Miley? Or…or me?! You were my best-friend! My _best-friend!_"

He stepped closer to her, invading her personal space – his breath heavy. He knew he shouldn't be taking his anger out on her but he couldn't help it. He hadn't spoken to anyone about how he had missed her presence because he knew that Joe had more reason to miss her – he was inlove with her, but, Lilly was his best-friend. "I know Lilly okay…I know you had to leave – it all just got too much right? But when you ran…you didn't just run from Joe…You ran from everyone else too. You turned your back on us first…"

She stepped back, shocked at his declaration. She clenched her eyes closed in pain, breathing in deeply. His words were vicious and they cut through her shields diligently. She didn't know she had caused so much pain at her departure but she needed to do what was best for her. She couldn't stay there with them, not when her heart was breaking. "I just…I couldn't…"

He reached out his hand, extending his palm towards her cheek – he didn't mean to make her feel as she did. He ignored her wince as he grazed her cheek gently; he didn't want to hurt her. He wasn't _there_ to hurt her – he just wanted an explanation. He just wanted things to go back to the way that they used to be. "You came back though…you answered the phone and came back to us…to _him…"_

"He's still as much apart of me as he ever was Nicholas," she whispered, leaning into his offered touch. Her eyes clenched closed, stopping the tears from leaking through. She didn't want to cry – she didn't need to shed any more tears over her friends. One was standing before her and she _needed_ to hear him out.

"Of course he is Lilly…you guys are made for each other," he smiled sadly, running his thumb across her closed eyes. She shouldn't have to hide her pain from him – they were family. She could always rely on him to relieve her pain and he hated that she was keeping it from him.

She breathed in deeply, silently praying for some respite from the emotional rollercoaster she was going through. She could feel Nicks' eyes on her but she was determined to keep her emotions in check before she opened her eyes. It wouldn't do either of them any good if she was brought to tears before they got their answers. "How…When I left…How was he? After I left…can you just…can you tell me that?"

He bit his lip as he drew away – running the hand through his curls. A sigh escaped his lip as he looked down at the blonde girl. Nothing was ever easy when it came to the two lovers. "He was…he was broken," he shrugged, glancing at his feet. There wasn't any other way to describe how Joe was – the girl had broken him. There wasn't any life left in Joe after she had left. There was just…nothing left.

A sob broke through as she realized the damage she had left. She crumbled to her knees as she realized the pain she had caused. It wasn't on purpose – she didn't want to hurt any of them but the pain she was feeling was more intense. He had _broken_ her. He had broken everything that they had built up together. Everything was caving in on her at one moment. Her breaths came in gasps.

"Hey…hey Lilly, it's okay…just…just breathe okay…just breathe," Nick rushed, dropping to his knees beside the crumbled girl. He didn't realize she was still reeling from the events that had been but he was beginning to see both sides of her escape. She had done it to get away from the pain – she had done what she had always done when it came to be too much; she ran. No matter the people she left behind; she did what she needed to do for herself.

"Can't…Didn't mean…Can't…" her words were staggard, her breathing heavy. She remembered Joe in the hospital bed – broken and confused. She had left him, promising that she'd hear him out or at the very least, meet with him to talk it out. She knew she owed him that much; she owed him the strength to hear what he had to say. Miley _was_ right – she came back which meant she still cared; probably too much.

"You've gotta breathe for me Lillian," he cajoled, gripping both of her cheeks in a futile attempt to get her to look at him. He thought that if she could focus on something, she'd be able to breathe her way through her panic attack but her eyes were so unfocussed. He caught them, just for a second, and he noticed the 'glassy-ness' of the gaze. She was in her own world at the moment and he only knew of two people that could get her out of that and they were nowhere around. His hands shook as she continued to hyperventilate.

She gasped, her eyes opening widely – her hands gripping her chest. She couldn't breathe; she couldn't think. The world was heavy on her shoulders and she tried to concentrate on the boy infront of her. She had to focus on one thing – too many things were running through her mind.

"Breathe Lilly…Please just…just breathe," Nick whimpered, shakily gripping her shoulders. He didn't know what to do – he had only seen Ryan or Joe pull her back from this; he was never one of them. Tears streamed down her cheeks as everything came back, everything she was trying to forget.

"I'm…I'm sorry…" she breathed, focusing her gaze on his. She needed to concentrate – she needed to breathe again. She could do it – she didn't need Ryan or Joe to pull her back; she was strong enough on her own. She didn't need them for anything in her life anymore. She was supposed to be strong – she was the CEO of a large corporation; she had the strength for anything.

"It's okay…god it's okay – just breathe okay? Just take deep breaths," he replied, forcing a tight smile onto his face. He hated lying – especially to his family because that was what she was; she was family to him and his brothers. As much as they were a part of her, she was a part of them – she was engraved into their hearts.

"I didn't…I didn't mean for it…to hurt…I just…I needed air…God I need air," she staggered, tightening her hand in her shirt – gripping the material tightly. She needed to pull on something – she needed something else to hurt rather than her heart. Something else needed to take away the pain. She kept the boys' gaze as he grazed her cheek gently – pushing away her thoughts. She needed to focus on him.

"It's okay…everything's gonna be okay? Everythings gonna be fine," he whispered gently, pulling the girl into his arms. He gasped slightly as she gripped his shirt desperately, the sobs over-taking her body. He hadn't realized just how much she was hurting – how much she was still hurting but he was beginning to realize. Joe wasn't the only one that was damaged in her departure.

"I'm sorry…" she sobbed, burying her head into the crook of his neck. Things were far from healed between the two of them but it was a start. It was starting to heal between them and she was thankful for that – she hadn't planned to see him again. She had only promised Joe that she would talk to _him_, not the rest of his family.

"It's okay…" he cajoled gently, running a shaky hand through her blonde/purple locks. His eyes caught the glittering ring on her finger and he breathed deeply – there was still something between his brother and the girl in his arms and he didn't know how to take that. So much hurt had come from their relationship that he didn't know if there was any love left in them to give each other.

* * *

"_What do you want Nick?" she snapped, her gaze still out towards the ocean. It was just another day on tour and another argument between family but it was starting to take it's toll. It was starting to wear thin on her heart._

"_How'd you know it was me?" _

"_It's always you…" she shrugged careless, tightening her arms around her waist. She wasn't sure why it was always him – it should be Joe. It should be Joe that came out after her but it never was; he was too busy with the band, with his brothers, with the fame. _

"_Gotta be consistent," he grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head as a blush entered his cheeks. He had admitted to himself that Lilly was beautiful but she was even more stunning in these moments – in moments where she was herself. There wasn't any pretending between them; there didn't need to be. She was her and he was him. _

"_You've also gotta stop coming after me," she stated, raising an eyebrow at the blushing boy. She knew what he was thinking; it was clearly written in his eyes and if she wasn't so inlove with Joe and he wasn't so inlove with Miley – maybe…maybe they could be something but not now. There was nothing for them at the moment – they were friends and couldn't be anything more. _

"_You're my best-friend Lillian…I can do what I please when it comes to you," he smirked, winking towards his blonde friend. He shook the thoughts from his head – it would do neither of them any good to ponder what if? She was his brothers' heart, not his, and he was just helping to protect it. _

"_Someones' grown up alittle," she murmured, sending a small smile in thanks to the curly-haired boy. She was thankful that it was always him that came after her, if it was anyone else, she didn't know what she would do. He was always able to make sense of the words that spilled from peoples mouths unlike her – she couldn't decipher the riddles that people spoke in._

"_That's what happens with time…plus Mileys' helped in that – she just makes me want to be __**better**__, you know? To be good enough for her…to give her to world," he breathed, smiling as he thought about the brunette. Things were still new between them but they were steady – both were afraid to delve too deep but he knew it was something special. He had found__** it**__ in her, she was his everything he could tell. _

"_I'm glad you guys found each other," she genuinely smiled, leaning into his shoulder as he placed an arm around her own shoulders. It was always like this – they'd talk about 'little' things until he got bored with the conversation and started asking the important questions. She was just glad he gave her time to collect her thoughts._

"_And it was all thanks to you Lils…all thanks to you," he whispered, placing a brotherly kiss atop her head. He hated that his brother sometimes caused her tears and he had made a promise within himself that he would never bring anyone to tears – he had thought Joe had too. "What was it about this time?"_

"_Nothing…everything…it wasn't even Joe that was the problem this time – just everything coming to catch up with me," she whimpered slightly, burying her head into his chest. She just wanted him to protect her from everything in the world – from all the pain in the world. She knew Joe couldn't do it; he tried, but, with love came the dark too. _

"_You know you've always got us Lilly…we're not goin' anywhere – I know Joes' not. He's always gonna be there to cry on, to lean on, to punch if you want too…He's gonna be with you every step you take," he said, tightening his hold on her. He hated that there was just so much pressure on her tiny shoulders but he knew that she could get through it. She was Lillian Truscott – the strongest woman he knew. He had never met anyone else quite like her. "And me…I'll always be there…"_

"_Why?"_

"_Cause you're family," he declared, catching gazes with his older brother. The boy was watching them curiously, wondering what to do. Slowly, he detached himself from Lilly and indicated for Joe to come over – his time to be her shoulder had ended. He had done his job; he had given her the answer to so many of her questions. _

"_Wha-"_

"_You're family Lillian…don't ever forget that," he smiled, looking directly into her eyes. She needed to see the truth and he would let her. Everyone thought of her as family – she was the missing piece that the boys' needed. She was everything they had wanted in a sister and he was thankful that Joe had found her. They were two missing pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly – they were made for each other. _

"_Thankyou…" she nodded, leaning into the embrace offered by Joe. She grazed a hand along his cheek as he whispered senseless nothings in her ears – her mind only repeating that they were family. They were as much a part of her as she was of them. She was family – she had found her place in the world._

* * *

"She just won't answer her phone…"

"Maybe she's busy Joe…maybe she's just busy," Kevin shrugged helpless, unsure of what to do. He had lost his place when Joe was hospitalized and he was unsure of where he stood again. Things were different between all of them. Things had changed – his family was shattered and they needed to repair themselves.

"She promised…she said just _name a time and place_…she had said…" he breathed, running a tired hand through his hair. He was confined to bed-rest and a wheelchair when he was too exhausted – he was half of what he used to be. He needed her back in his arms. He needed her back in his life; she was his everything.

"Promises are meant to b-" He stopped short as he noticed Nick enter the room – his arms full with a girl. He held her close to his chest as his breaths came in short gasps; tired, obviously, from carrying her from wherever he was. "Who is that?"

"Is that…is that Lilly?" Joe asked, stepping towards the blonde in his brothers arms. He brushed the hair away from her face and took a startled step backwards. His gaze quickly looked up to his brothers. "Give her to me."

"Joe…you're…you're hurt," Nick stated, looking his brothers bruised body up and down. He knew that Joe couldn't carry Lilly – not in his condition at the moment. He couldn't give the blonde over only to have her dropped.

"Give her to me…"

"You can't Joe, you won't be able to carry her," Kevin interrupted, noticing Nicks wavering judgement. He hated that Joe wasn't as careful as he should be – he didn't want his brother back in the hospital. He couldn't understand just where Joe was coming from but he knew that Nick was right – Joe was too hurt to carry the blonde.

Joe glanced towards his elder brother and held his gaze. Kevins' gaze didn't waver and he sighed in resign – he knew that they were right but, he just wanted to hold Lilly. He just wanted to feel the blonde in his arms once again. "Atleast…atleast put her in my room…please…" He hated showing weakness infront of his brothers but, he _needed_ Lilly.

"Go ahead Nick," Kevin instructed, nodding his head towards the youngest in the room. He watched carefully as Nick placed the girl in Joes' room – closing the door gently so as to not to wake her. He sent a small smile in thanks towards him, knowing just how much the girl meant to all three of the boys' in the room.

"Where did you find her?" Joe questioned, eyeing his younger brother. He wasn't sure what to make of the situation that had just happened. He knew that Lilly and Nick had a close relationship – whenever he wasn't there, he knew that his younger brother was. But, he hadn't spoken to her in over 3 months and he knew that Nick felt some sort of hatred towards the blonde – he didn't think that he'd bring the blonde back to the hotel suite.

"I was just walking and she was just there…standing – you know how she used to do when everything was beginning to become too much," he answered, taking a seat at the table. As a cup of hot chocolate was sent his way he sent a smile in thanks towards Kevin – nodding his head. He knew that Kevin was just as lost as the rest of them but hopefully that would change with the blonde back. Everything started to cave when she had left but she was back now, and he knew that things would get better…eventually.

A silence settled over the table – the boys helplessly looking towards each other for answers. They all knew that things always got worse before they got better but, it really was all just getting _too_ much. The pain was too much and they knew that Lilly didn't deal with pain well. She either ran or she ended up in hospital. They hated that she always put everything onto herself but they knew that that was her. She was always the one to take the blame. She was always the one to offer herself up as a sacrifice so the others could continue on.

"How…how was she?" The question came from both the eldest brothers of the Jonas clan – both curious as to how she was.

"She's…she's not doing so well," Nick started, eyeing each of his brothers. He couldn't forget the image of the crippled girl but he knew that he was doing the right thing. It would do no one any good if they were both keeping secrets. Secrets were what lead to hurt and he hated that she had kept so many for so long but they were finally over them – everyone had begun to move on.

"I'm just gonna…I'm gonna go check on her," Joe murmured, excusing himself from the table. His footsteps were light as they entered his room and he smiled gently towards the blonde curled around his pillow that was engraved with 'Danger' – gripping the item desperately. It was altogether cute and heartwrenching.

Quietly, moving slowly, he laid down on the bed beside her – wincing as the bed creaked. He was startled slightly as she immediately turned and curled herself around his body – placing one leg over his and wrapping her arms around his waist. Her weaved a hand through her hair as she rested her head on his chest while the other arm pulled her even closer to his body. His eyes gently closed as he breathed in deeply – trying to instill the memory of her scent into his mind once again. He needed this at the moment; he needed her in his arms once again.

"Joe…" she sighed sleepily, burying her head deeper into his chest – smiling as she breathed in and out. He stiffened, unsure of whether she was awake or not. Her breathing was even so he knew that she was just dreaming but he smiled as he knew it was about him. She still dreamt about him – he was still in her thoughts.

Her buried his head into her hair, tightening his hold on the petite blonde. The smile couldn't be wiped from his face – he knew that she still thought about him. He wasn't erased from her heart, he was still there and he was thankful of that. He loved that he was still there; engraved in her heart because she was engraved in his.

'_I'll always run after you Lillian…remember that love…'_

"Wherever you run Lilly…I'll follow…I promise I won't let you go again," he vowed quietly, clenching his eyes closed as the tears threatened to fall. He couldn't believe that there were still tears to cry over the blonde. He couldn't believe that there was still something left in him to make those vows. He thought he was broken – he _knew _he was broken; he had felt himself shatter. Lillys' presence was slowly mending him, he was thankful for that. She was repairing him; just like she had promised.

'_Whatever we break…we fix…together. We break, we fix…got it? Promise…'_

"Please…just…just don't run again," he whispered into her hair, tightening his grip on the girl. His eyes were still closed, blocking the tears from falling. He couldn't cry over her – not when she was in his arms. He couldn't believe his luck that Nick had found her and brought her to him but he had to wonder why she was so exhausted. He had seen the tear-stains on her face and anger swelled in him towards his younger brother – he had made her cry. It was silly, it was stupid but no one was supposed to make the blonde cry. She wasn't supposed to cry. She was supposed to light up the world with her smile. She was family and the brothers protected their family.

* * *

_What does everyone think? Is it still good? Review and tell me! :)_


	9. Feel Safe

_**Okay, so here's another chapter...LoLs....**_

_**I just wanted to say thankyou to all the reviews that have been received - I didn't start the story again but I did re-upload it HaHa! Hopefully you guys will stick with through all the chapters that are to come!!**_

_**Have fun reading and enjoy!!!**_

_**P.S. Special thanks to Padma for this chapter and it's fully dedicated to her! :)**_

* * *

She stirred slightly, mumbling some incoherent words that made no sense – her fingers clenching tightly. She curled closer to the warmth, feeling the protection from it. She didn't want to open her eyes, she didn't want to face what was to come – she was more than happy to stay where she was.

'_Lilly…'_

"Mphhh…" She knew the voice, she could recognize it anywhere but, she didn't want to leave. She was comfortable. She was protected – she didn't feel the pain anymore. Wherever she was; she was safe.

'_Lilly…'_

The voice was a little louder but not enough for her to open her eyes. It was never easy to wake her up especially when she didn't want to leave. Gripping whatever she was holding tighter, she clung to it – burying deeper into its embrace.

"Lillian!"

"Go away…" she mumbled, waving a hand out towards the offending person. She was startled as her hand was gripped and yanked – pulling her right out of bed and onto the floor. Landing on her bum, she glared angrily towards the boy; daring him to say another word.

"We've gotta talk!" His voice was stressed from his quiet hisses and her angry looks. He knew that she'd be mad but she'd realize just where she was and then smile and nod – he knew her well-enough to know that she didn't want to wake up in Joes' arms just yet.

"Now? Really? Right when I'm sleep…why are you whispering?" Her voice was normal; there wasn't any cautiousness in it. She just wanted to crawl back to the safety – she just wanted to crawl back to bed.

"Turn around," he smirked, raising an eyebrow at the girl's clueless-ness. It was cute at times but at the moment, it was slightly irritating – he needed to get her out of there before he woke up.

She turned slowly, scared there was some sort of giant animal behind her – she jumped back in shock. There was Joe – clutching the pillow where her head had just lain. She knew that that was where she once was; she was in his embrace again. She still felt his touch. She still felt his breath.

Reaching out, she glided a hand along his tussled hair – placing the strands away from his eyes. Her hand slid along his cheek, remembering the contours of the face she knew so well – it was all like a memory. She hadn't seen him so peaceful since they were on tour. She had seen him so helpless since she had told him of her disease.

"Lilly…"

His voice shocked her out of her reverie – she shouldn't be doing this. She stepped back, breathing slowly as she was lead from the room. Her gaze never left the boy on the bed as she backed out. She knew that they had to talk but today wasn't that day. She couldn't face him today – not when her emotions were out-of-control.

"Lilly…I'm…I'm sorry about that. He must've just fallen asleep…his medicati-"

"You don't need to say anything Nicholas," she interrupted, shaking her head at the boy. He didn't need to apologize for his brother – it wasn't his fault.

"I shouldn't have let h-"

"You wouldn't have been able to stop him if you tried Nicky…seriously, don't worry about it," she smiled towards him, ruffling his curls. She liked that he was so protective of her but; no one would be able to stop Joe if he really wanted to do something.

"Still Lilly…I th-"

"Leave it alone Nick J, there's no need to go over it again," she snapped lightly, her soft gaze turning to a glare. She didn't want him continuously apologizing; there was nothing that could have been done.

"Sorry…" he mumbled, blushing slightly as he realized he had pestered her a bit. He just didn't want her to run again. He didn't want to see his brother like he was again. He didn't want to see anyone like that ever again.

"Nick! What are you doin-…Lilly…" Kevin interrupted their conversation, opening the hotel door. He had just gotten back from going for a run and he was startled to see the two up.

"Hey Kev…" she blushed lightly, running a tired hand through her hair. She didn't know if she was ready to face the brothers but it seemed as if her time was running out. They just seemed to appear out of nowhere – maybe it was just bad luck on her part.

"Lilly…wha…are…hey," he finished helplessly, unsure of what he was supposed to do. This was the girl that had broken his family apart but he couldn't hate her for it – she was doing what was best for her. She was just doing it to heal herself – he couldn't blame her.

She stared at him, his feet shuffling across the floor and her eyes widened – he was lost. She had always been able to read the boy like a book and she knew exactly what was going through his head. She didn't think he would have been so affected but she was wrong – everyone had seemed to be affected. The eldest Jonas boy was as lost as she was and she couldn't take seeing that.

"Oofmp…" His vision blurred as she tackled him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. He didn't know what to do – he could hardy remember when she had given him a hug. His eyes widened as she squeezed, burying herself deeper into him – pulling him even closer to her.

"I'm sorry Kevin…everything…everything is just so screwed up," she whispered into his chest, breathing deeply as he wrapped his own arms around her. She had always hugged him like she was; desperately clinging to him. Their relationship was different from the one she held with the other two – it wasn't as conventional. He was all three of them in one; a brother, a best-friend and a boyfriend. He was always there whenever she asked and she had loved him for it.

"It's okay…we'll get through it Precious," he smiled, squeezing her gently as she let out a giggle. He could hardly remember when he had felt as whole as he did right then and he was thankful that Lilly was back – maybe things could return to the way that they had been. Maybe his brothers could get back to the way they were.

"You were always the special one," she grinned, leaning out of his embrace. He _was_ always the special one – even though he didn't get as much attention as the other two, people still loved him. He was the kind, heartfelt supportive hand as the boys' got on-stage; he was the driving force behind his two younger brothers – he was the glue that held the family together. If he broke apart then everyone else would slowly follow.

He just sent her a wink in return to her compliment – grinning widely at the girl. She really was a catch and he was gonna make sure his brother didn't screw it up like last time. She had run far too long – she needed to stay for awhile.

"I like how you guys just _ignore_ me…" Nick muttered angrily, pouting at the duo. He knew that they were like that but he wanted to know what Lilly was about to do. Joe would wake up soon and if he found her gone then the shit would hit the fan as some would say.

"Aw Nicky…let me give you a hug…" Kevin grinned, enveloping the boy in a big bear hug.

"No…no! Get away!" Nick squealed slightly, blushing as he heard the girlish-ness in his voice. It just wasn't fair when Kevin hugged you – he was just too strong for them to escape.

"Come on! Give your big brother some love…"

"Kevin! Awa-"

"You know you wanna…"

"Ten feet Kevin! Ten feet-"

"Just a little one? You look a little unlov-"

"Ten feet! I'm warning you"

"Or you'll do what lil'bro? You know I'm strong…"

"No! It's a tie Kevin! It's a tie!"

"In your dreams! I'm older, wiser and stronger!"

"At least I act my age!"

"What are you talkin' about?! Of course I act my age! How can I not when I have you guys as brothers?!"

"At least we're fun! You just drink coffee! And…and have scones!"

"I don't even like scones!"

"What are we arguing about?!"

"I dunno…do you?!"

"Are ya done yet?" she asked, giggling slightly at their flushed faces. It was amusing to watch the two brothers fight – especially when she knew that they'd forget the starting topic. It was always the same when it came to the two; neither could ever remember.

"I think so…" Kevin smirked, ruffling his younger brothers' hair. It was fun to fight, especially with Nick, just because it let out some pent-up energy.

"Yeah…we're done," Nick nodded, putting his hair back in place. He hated when his brothers touched his hair.

"Good…because I'm hungry," she pouted, rubbing her stomach slightly. She couldn't remember the last time she ate and she was looking forward to the food in the hotel – it was always nice.

"Always one to think of your stomach aren't ya Lillian?" Nick laughed, slinging an arm around the blondes' shoulders. It was just like old times having the girl with him – it made them forget. She fit perfectly into the missing piece of their puzzle that it was just so easy to go back to the way they were; forgetting all the hurt that had been produced.

"You betch-"

"Lilly?"

She turned around, eyes widening in shock. She knew it was stupid – she knew he'd be there but it was just too soon. She didn't know what to say to him and she didn't know how to act around him. She could still remember his arms around her and even though she had loved it, she couldn't go back there. Too much had changed and she just couldn't take that step backwards. "Joe…"

"Hey…" he breathed, leaning casually against the doorway he stood in. He had woken to his brothers' yells but he didn't want to move from his bed – she had slept next to him. There wasn't the pain that had invaded their lives when they were sleeping – it was just them. It was like it used to be and he didn't want to leave that. He was disappointed that she wasn't there but he did understand. Things still weren't resolved.

"H…hey…" she stuttered slightly, blushing as she felt his gaze travel along her form. She hated that he was able to make her feel so insecure but she loved it all at the same time. The boy before used to be her life and when she walked away – she also walked away from her past; she just didn't know if she wanted to step back again.

He smiled gently as he took a step into the room – watching as his brothers slightly backed out, leaving them to some privacy. He was nervous, it wasn't really a different feeling where Lilly was concerned but it was for a completely different reason – he didn't know where they stood with one another.

"Joe…" she sighed, stepping back as he decreased the distance between them. She didn't want him too close to her – she couldn't think when he was there. He still affected her just as he used too and it was unnerving. Time hadn't changed her feelings for him one bit.

"Sorry," he muttered, dropping his gaze towards the floor. He clenched his fist as he realized her close proximity but the fact that she was _just _out of reach was slowly killing him. He hated that she seemed to be afraid of him.

She breathed out, biting her lip gently. She could still read the boy like a book opened before her – it wasn't difficult. Joe always wore his heart on his sleeve; years in the entertainment industry had obviously taught him nothing. "I'm not scared of you Joe…I just can't have you _there_ right now…"

"Right…right," he nodded gently, letting the held breath escape his lips. He didn't want her to be scared of him – especially when she was still everywhere around him. It didn't help that the girl was haunting him in his dreams either.

The silence enveloped the two – neither of them wanting to take the first step. It was deafening; the silence was frightening. So many things could be said with just words but silence made you think. Silence made you reflect on past pains you'd rather had kept where they were – in the past.

"Why'd you do it Joey?" Her voice betrayed her; she didn't want that much vulnerability expressed. The sound was frail and weak, showing the pain that the boy before her had caused her. She didn't want to show him weakness. She didn't want to show him that he had _hurt _her – especially when he had promised he never would.

He locked gazes with her, his eyes widening considerably. He didn't expect the question to be so sudden but he knew that they both needed answers. The only problem with that was that he didn't have any to give. He didn't exactly _know_ what had driven him to do it; all he knew was that it caused him to lose the greatest thing in his life.

"I…I do-"

"Why?" The tears were already clouding her vision. Clenching her eyes closed, she straightened her shoulders and breathed deeply – she _needed _to hear this.

"You weren't there…" he shrugged helplessly, watching as her eyes narrowed. He knew what she was about to say, what defense she would use but he was there too – she wasn't there. She was _busy _with all the other artists who demanded her attention and there was nothing left of her to give to him…or his brothers.

"I wasn't there? I wasn't _there?! _I was there every step of the way Joseph! Or don't you remember that? That blonde slut shoved her tongue _all_ the way to your brain huh?! I knew she looked like an ape but I didn't think she had the tongue to back it up!" Her face was flushed and the unwanted tears scattered across her cheek. She furiously wiped them away; there wasn't supposed to be any more tears to dry. Everything had become so messed up in her life and she didn't need Joe anymore – she had everything she needed to last the 3 months, she could last the rest-of-her-life…maybe.

"Lilly, I don't thi-"

"No! There's no _way _your blaming this shit on me! I didn't do anything wro-"

"You did nothing wrong?! How 'bout ignoring me for a good month? How 'bout the photos within the tabloids? How 'bout the txt messages? How 'bout the phone-calls at random hours of the morning?" He snapped his control loosening as the girl continuously berated him. He hated that she was able to get under his skin so easily and make him snap. It was a talent of hers – no one could conduct his emotions as well as she could. "Nothing wrong Lilly? I think maybe you should re-think that aspect…"

She widened her eyes at the accusations. It wasn't really her fault – her mother had pushed her to be an image and she had to _be _that. She had to _be _what was expected of her – it was just the way her life was. "Joe…You can't be…you can't be serious…"

"No Lilly, _you _can't be serious…I wasn't the only one to blame…" He didn't want to blame her but he had to make her understand that it wasn't just _his _fault. There were always two people involved and he needed her to understand just where he stood. They couldn't go on like they were – not anymore.

"We…it was for my…my mother – things weren't going great for the company…we needed…we needed to get new arti-"

"So that's an excuse to play with my feelings?" He questioned quietly, his gaze locking with hers. He hated being so far away from her but so close at the same time. He could feel her breath on his skin – whether it be from last night or from the stillness in the room. He itched to touch her but she wouldn't let him – he stepped an inch, she stepped a mile back.

She read his eyes – startled that he was so open towards her. She could see everything; she _had _played with him but she just didn't know. Everything that her family had worked for, everything that _she _had worked for; it was hurting him. The nights, the phone-calls, the meetings – the secrets. He had just recovered from all the ones that she had hidden and new one's were being developed.

"That gives you an excuse to lie to me?"

Her breathing stilled, her eyes tearing up slightly at the statement. She _never _lied to him – she couldn't. "I never lied to you Joe…" she whispered painfully, biting her lip to prevent the tears. It wasn't supposed to be the way it was with them – he was supposed to be her happily-ever-after. Their world wasn't supposed to be tangled in deceit.

"I find that hard to believe," he retorted, crossing his arms in defiance. He hated that he could see the tears hidden beneath her gaze – he hated that he had caused them. He wanted to wipe them away, kiss every scar that her broken heart had – he wanted to _be _there for her but she wouldn't let him. She wouldn't let him through the wall again; not after everything.

"I _never _lied to you," she stated through clenched teeth, glaring at the boy. She couldn't believe that he had to audacity to proclaim things he had no idea about. There was so much going on around him that she knew he had no idea that she was _still _helping them – even as she had turned away.

She glanced towards the boy as he casually leant against the doorway – challenging in his stare. She took a step forward.

"Lilly…you…I _saw _you with him…you lied where you were that day…" he said quietly, his eyes widening as she took her step. She was only about four steps away now and he could swear he could _feel _her heart beating the same rhythm as his.

She bit her lip, her eyes widening at the response. She knew what he was talking about but she didn't believe him. She didn't _want _to believe him – it would make it her fault. _She _would be the cause to the break in the relationship; _she _would be just as everyone viewed her to be. She didn't want to be that person.

She took a step towards him.

"Lilly?" he asked quietly – his words weaving through the silence. He didn't know what she was doing but it scared him. She was never the one to initiate anything between them. She was never the one to offer anything of herself.

She stopped, taking in his appearance. He was scared – frightened of what she was about to do. She hated that; she hated that she had made him so insecure about himself. He was never meant to be that way. "What you saw…it wasn't like…it wasn't _like_ that – there's so much more t-"

"Why didn't you just tell me that? Why didn't you just explain things? Why didn't you j-"

"I didn't tell you because it's apart of my job – just like press is for you and your brothers. I didn't explain things because you wouldn't understand. I didn't just _tell _you because there was nothing to tell Joseph…there was nothing _you_ needed to know," she stated, unaware of the hurt her words would cause. She didn't know that he was so unsure of himself when it came to her – she didn't know that he _needed _her just as much as he needed air.

He looked at her – really taking in what she looked like. He could see the damage of the last 3 months, the pain that she had been through – her eyes always told her story, especially to him. She was telling the truth; she firmly believed that he didn't _need _to know. She believed that truth didn't come with love. She didn't know just what she had done to him with those simple words. Just a few words and everything shattered.

"No one was supposed to see me…" she said, taking another step forth. He was just one step away – he was within arms-length. She didn't know what she was doing. She was _mad _at him. She was _betrayed _by him. She didn't _want _to be near him but she _needed _to be. She needed to feel him close to her once again.

"I see you…" he whispered, swallowing the tears stinging his eyes. His hands clenched into fists as he saw her smile. He had to get everything out before she was _too _close to him. He had to make her understand just what he was going through.

"I see you…I've seen you at your worse and at your best. The more I was around you…the more I realized that I loved just being in the same room as you. I loved to just hear you talk, even if not to me…I lo-"

"Joe…"

"No Lilly, I think…I think I need to say this just as much as you need to hear it. I love _you_…everything in you. I'm in this…whatever _this _is? I'm in it – till the end. I'm always gonna be there…only, I'm gonna be one step behind…_I'm_ gonna be the one left behind. You always run Lillian…you run and leave everything behind – including me…" He finished brokenly, running a hand through his hair. He just _couldn't _be there for her when she wouldn't let him anymore. He couldn't always be that one step behind because she wouldn't let him catch her.

She stood there – eyes closed as his words washed over her. He was right. She always did run. When things got tough, she ran the other way. It was a defense. It was a safety-net. She didn't _want _him to be right – but she knew he was.

"Joe…" The tears stung her eyes as she opened them. She could see the hurt radiating form him – she didn't know what to do. She didn't _think_ about what she had done to him. "I didn't…I didn't mean…"

"You never do Lilly…"

She breathed in sharply, lifting her head to meet his gaze. It was burning with pain. The hurt was rippling off of his skin – it was hard to look. She had never seen him like she was; she had never seen him as he truly was. He was always molded to her ideal – he was always just a perfect image.

"Joey…I do _love _you…I do…" She was pleading – she knew she was. Her tears leaked through, running down her cheeks. She ignored them, focusing on the bruised boy in front her. He needed her attention – she couldn't keep him at a distance anymore. She either needed to let him in or let him go.

"Just…tell me if you're in this or not Lilly…I can't guess anymore. I _can't _be waiting on the edge anymore. If you're in this, then _be _in this…if not, end it now. Let me go if you don't want this because I can't be _him _anymore Lillian. I can't give and give…I just…I _can't…_" His voice was soft; as if he was scared he'd frighten her away. He didn't want that. He didn't want the girl to run again but he needed to know. He needed to know if he was the only one in their relationship. It was selfish and it was hurtful but he just couldn't do it anymore. He wanted _her _– not just pieces she was willing to give.

Her eyes widened, her tears slipping slowly down her cheeks. His words had shattered every belief within her. She was teetering on the brink and she didn't know which way to lean. One offered her old life whereas the other offered the unknown. She didn't want to answer him. She didn't want to make the decision – she didn't want everything to rely on her. She _loved_ him, she did, and she knew she did but she didn't know if she could give him everything he wanted. She didn't know if she could fit into his mold of what she was. She didn't know if she could be his everything.

"Joe…"

* * *

_Knock. Knock._

_She bit her lip as she waited for the door to open – anxiously pulling at the top she was wearing. She didn't now what she was doing. She didn't know why she was where she was; it wasn't what she was supposed to be doing._

"_What are you doing here Lillian?"_

"_I…can I…can I come in?" She looked up at the boy, keeping the tears at bay. She didn't expect this greeting from him – he was supposed to be her best-friend. He was supposed to be the one that was there for her._

_He sighed, looking the girl up and down. He could see that she was confused about something – she was always easy to read. He just didn't know if he wanted to listen; not after everything that had happened. He didn't know if he wanted to be there for her anymore._

"_Please…"_

_He stepped aside; knowing that it would've taken a lot for her to come. She never pleaded – not when it could be avoided. She hated to rely on other people but she was offering something to him and he had to take it. Whatever she gave, he'd take. _

_----_

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_I just…you asked what was happening…you asked for some answers for…for __**everything**__. You still want them?" Her gaze was at her feet as she took a seat on his couch – her shoulders hunched. She didn't know what she was doing but her feet had led her where she was – they had led her to __**him.**_

"_Only…only if you want me to hear them Lilly – you shouldn't feel pushed too…"_

"_I don't wanna feel this way anymore Ollie…I don't wanna be __**this**__ way anymore. There's so much…there's so many things that could've happened but didn't. There's so many things that could've been done but no one did anything. I know I shouldn't have run…I know okay? But…everything was crashing down – everything was closing in on me and I couldn't breathe Ollie…I just…I couldn't breathe anymore," she whispered, letting the tears fall. She didn't want to show any weakness before him but he was her best-friend. They had known each other for so many years and she had left him in the dark. She had left him with the others and she was sorry for that. They had made a promise to each other to never lie or keep things from the other – she had broken that vow. _

"_Lilly…" He wanted to go to her – hold her in his arms but he held himself back. He could tell that there was more to explanation than that little piece of information. It was hard to understand but he was beginning to understand. All the pieces weren't __**crashing**__ down – they were coming together. Everything in her life was fitting together perfectly and she couldn't handle that. She wasn't ready to heal just yet. _

"_Joe…when I saw him in the hospital…he was all bro…broken. I don't think…I didn't realize what had happened. Nick and Kevin were by his side – defending him against __**me.**__ They were defending him against me Ollie…they were so angry __**at**__ me. I've never…they've never been that angry before – I've never seen them like that…"_

_He ran a hand through his tousled hair – sighing deeply as the girl before shattered. He knew how hard it was for her to express her feelings through communication but he knew she also needed it. She needed someone who was there that couldn't judge – he just didn't know if he was the person for it. He just didn't know if he could let her back in when she continuously pushed everyone away. _

"_I was supposed to be protecting the boys…their parents – Jesus Denise and Paul must hate me! I was supposed to be the one the boys could go to for everything but I wasn't. I wasn't where I was supposed to be…" She was rambling – she knew it and he knew it but she couldn't stop. Once the words had started to flow then there was no stopping them. There wasn't anything holding them back anymore and she was thankful that she could let them go – at least it was one thing she could let go._

"_Why don't you give it up then? Run away…but this time…this time maybe you shouldn't…maybe you shouldn't come back," he murmured, looking towards the girl. He didn't want his words to hurt but he was just saying what he was thinking. If she did run again and didn't come back – maybe then everyone could slowly begin to heal. She was playing with everyone's' hearts when she went and came back as she pleased. They couldn't do it anymore; no one could take the continuous heartbreak and pain she caused._

_She gasped, raising her gaze to meet the boys' in front of her. He really believed what he was suggesting would make everyone okay. She just didn't want to though. She couldn't even if she tried – she was the CEO of Hollywood Records, she couldn't just disappear. _

"_Lilly?"_

"_Because Oliver…" she whispered, gathering herself to her feet. She looked towards him – his gaze steady on her raised figure. She didn't want to leave him; she didn't want him to be confused anymore than he already was. He just needed to understand that she couldn't just __**not **__come back – not when everything she ever loved was with them. Not when her heart was torn to pieces with each step she took away from them. _

"_I'm not ready to give up Joe…I'm not ready to be without him. It's not just his looks or…or his personality. It's that moment…that moment where the world stops and I feel safe…" She walked towards the door – her words lingering in the silence. She was willing to fight to get everything back that she had lost. She was willing to stand-still and wait for __**him **__this time. "I just feel safe…"_

* * *

_**Did you enjoy it?? Did you like it?? Was it too long?? It's the longest chapter I've ever written for any story lols - there was just so much to get on the page. **_

_**Read and Review!**_

_**Thanks for reading! **_

_**Sparkz :)**_


	10. Control Yourself

_**Okay...first of all I want to thank all of my reviewers lols and readers!! You guys have been amazing and I'm really sorry this chapter took alil' long to put up but hopefully the wait was worth it! It's pretty long...apparently it's the longest chapter in this story so far! Yay! Haha... :)**_

_**Also, I'm thinking this chapter is my favourite...hopefully it's as emotional as I wanted it to be - I've read it too many times for it to not get repetitive to me lols. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**Read and Review!**_

_**Sparkz... :P**_

_

* * *

_

"Joe…" Lilly looked towards the boy – trailing her gaze over his form. She didn't know what to say or what to do. She knew she didn't want to _live_ without Joe but she didn't know if she wanted to live _with _him. She didn't know if she could have him there for her in that capacity – she just didn't _know._

"No Lilly…just…no…I can't continue _this. _I can't be second anymore," he murmured brokenly, running a hand through his hair. He knew what he was saying – he could see the shock coursing through the girl before him. It shouldn't _be_ as hard as it was between them. It seemed as if he was the only one trying. It seemed as if he was the only one willing to fight.

She dropped her gaze, his clenching fists catching her eye. She stepped forward slightly – feeling his breath caress the top of her hair. Closing her eyes, she breathed in deeply; allowing the silence to engulf both of them. Slowly and silently her hand traced his features, gliding over his eyelids, nose…lips. Remembering the contours – engraving the feel of his skin into her mind.

He clenched his eyes closed, ignoring the impulse to lean into her touch. He didn't know what she was doing but he would let her. Her body was so close to his, it was hard to resist his urges but he needed to know her answer. He needed to _hear_ the words before he stepped any further into the relationship. She was everything to him but he didn't know where he stood with her – he didn't know what he _was_ to her.

Her eyes clenched, fighting the urge to let the tears fall – she didn't want to cry. She couldn't _let _herself cry; not now. He was waiting for an answer that she couldn't give – not yet anyway. She needed time to think. She needed time to adjust to everything.

Stepping back, she let out a deep breath; missing the warmth of him. Her hands shook, distracting her from the sadness enveloping the room. Breathing slowly she let the pain surround them both – let the pain course through their veins. It was hard to explain just what they were to anyone else apart from themselves; their love wasn't love. It was something else entirely.

"Do you…do you remember when we first me?" Her voice was soft, wafting through the stillness. Her eyes slowly opened, connecting with the curious brown staring straight back at her. She didn't flinch.

"The record store?"

"No…it was long before that Jay," she smiled, a tear falling from her eye-lash. She didn't bother to wipe it away – she didn't need too. He had seen her at her worst and he still stayed; there was no need to hide her tears from him.

He furrowed his brows, trying to remember why that name was so familiar to him. Images flashed through his mind, shades of pink and black blindingly filled his gaze. "L…Lola?"

"You remember? In the closet?" Her eyes pinned him to where he stood – a connection between them. Miley had told her of telling them her secret and Oliver and her own but it was obvious that the boy hadn't connected-the-dots.

"You…you were in pink and black…you smelt of cinnamon," he breathed, smiling as the memory came back to him. It was one of the meetings that was hard to forget – she left an impression on him. He knew he had found what he was looking for in the colourful girl and was thankful that he had found her again.

* * *

_Joe was born and raised in New Jersey – he didn't like being anywhere else. Other places made him feel strange; lost. He hated feeling lost. So being on tour, although enjoyable – there were faults he could find._

_He had snuck away from his brothers, his parents – his band mates and found a small space to be alone. But as he stepped into the small room, he realized it was already occupied. _

_Dressed in bright pink skinny-jeans, black chucks and a graphic black t-shirt - a black tutu also surrounded her hips. With pink hair. Pouting. _

_Something drew him to her._

"_Hi…"_

"_Hi…" she said, widening her eyes slightly. She knew who he was – it wasn't that hard to recognize the boy. Even if she didn't like them, she couldn't ignore the good-looks that each of the boys' had. _

"_Joe," he offered his name and hand._

"_Lola…" she nodded, accepting the hand and offering a small smile in return. She couldn't remember when she had last smiled – it had been awhile._

"_What brings you to…uh, the concert?" Joe asked, awkwardly trying to continue the conversation. He knew he shouldn't. The girl was obviously wary of him and wanted some time alone – but he wanted to stand and talk to 'Lola.' She made him feel like he wasn't lost. She made him feel like __**himself.**__The thing he had thought he had lost a long time ago._

"_Came to watch Hannah…"_

"_Right…cool," he murmured, furrowing his brow slightly. She didn't appear to be affected by __**who**__ he was at all – it was as if she didn't even know him. It felt good to be with someone who didn't feel regarded to praise him. _

"_You're not used to it yet are ya?" Lola questioned, her gaze steady on the boy before her. She felt the strange urge to keep talking to him - curiosity was always her weakness._

"_How could you tell?"_

"_You're in here…" she smiled, winking towards him. She still thought the boys' were just media propaganda – a fickle hope when America was in its' time of need. She hated them for that; she hated her mother for __**making**__ them that. "So Joe, what brings you to Hannah Montana?"_

"_Nick."_

_Ah…she got what he was saying. It was a basic instinct when it came to family. You'd do anything for that particular family member and he was just being a 'good' brother. He was just doing what was expected of him – another thing she hated. _

"_Nick? The youngest one right? He like's Hannah?" She tried to ignore all the things that were __**right**__ about the boy infront of her. Softly curled hair. A heartbreaker. A challenge – everything she ever went for in trying to forget everything. _

"_That wasn't what I said," he tried to cover-up, desperately avoiding the girls' calculating gaze. He didn't know what it was about the brightly coloured girl but it was hard to lie to her. Things just came out. _

"_You didn't have too…"_

"_I want a motorcycle!" He shouted at random – trying to distract the girl from his brothers' secret. It wasn't really that well hidden on his brothers' behalf but he felt as if he owed Nick something – blood was thicker than water. _

"_You want a motorcycle? Strangely…I'm impressed."_

"_Sweet! Also, my favourite band is Tokio Hotel? Impressed yet again?"_

"_No…I'm more of a Cute is What We Aim For or Secondhand Serenade girl…" she smirked, crossing her arms in a silent challenge. _

"_Secondhand Serenade? I didn't take you for the type…" Joe was more intrigued by the second. He was beginning to find himself stepping closer to the small girl – despite what his head was trying to say._

"_I don't have a type…originality is a gift," Lola shrugged, tilting her head slightly to the side as he stepped just a little bit closer. It was funny to watch._

"_I like you…"_

"_I like me too," she said, feeling herself blush. She did many things but she had hardly ever blushed. It was usually the other way around. _

_A comfortable silence fell between the two of them as they just stared at each other – taking in just how the other was standing. Just what the other was wearing. Just what the other smelt like. _

"_So…you guys are opening for Hannah huh?" Lola asked, finding herself hoping the answer was yes. She was just traveling with Hannah for a few stops but it got repetitive along the way. The same people were everyone and she had been on these things thousands of times. _

"_No, just this show," Joe answered, ignoring the pang of sadness at the answer. He didn't understand what was happening to him. "We don't really like to leave New Jersey…this is only a field trip of sorts…"_

"_Famous people take field trips?"_

"_Well…we do if it's important…" He send his already infamous grin her way – chuckling as she only rolled her eyes at his attempt. It was refreshing to meet someone just like her. She was obvious in her distaste of him and he was just wondering why she felt that. _

"_So…Hannahs' your best-friend? That must be cool…she's one great performer," he smiled gently, hoping to let her open up. He wanted to know the girl before him – despite her distaste._

"_I'm Lola Luftnagle…it's just what I do…" she shrugged, avoiding his eyes. She didn't understand why she was saying what she was saying – she __**loved**__ Hannah, she really did, but sometimes she knew that the girl was just __**too **__busy for her. __**Hannah**__ wasn't there for her but __**Miley**__ was – it was difficult to understand when you didn't know about the split. _

"_Oh…I sense tension?"_

"_Let's not get into it."_

"_No, it would ruin a perfectly nice quiet-time in a storage room," Joe winked, giving Lola a look. Lola hated romance novels or anything else slightly sappy, but the look he just sent her way made her melt slightly. She hated him even more. _

"_What's yours?"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Last name…you know mine. I should know yours…" she smiled gently, fully aware of jut what his last name was – she just wanted him to say it. She didn't want to be the 'fan-girl,' she detested all the resonated that aura. To be famous didn't make you __**special**__ - it made you __**lucky**__._

"_Ah…Jonas."_

"_Joe Jonas?"_

"_Yes," he nodded, tilting his head to the side as she fought the urge to giggle. He didn't understand the girl at all – she was a mystery and he liked that. He didn't find his name that funny._

_A quiet pause came over them again as Lola swallowed her laughter – it wasn't nice when the other one was confused. She supposed it wasn't that funny but his name was just __**different.**__ She didn't know what it was about the boy-band-er infront of her but he was changing her mind about his band – if only slightly. _

"_Do you plan on being a 'pop-princess' like Hannah?"_

_She scoffed, letting the laughter through. It was the first time in awhile that she had actually showed emotion. "No…no offense Jay, but Hannahs' music isn't particularly what I like to listen too."_

_Jay - no one had ever called him that before. He was Joe or Danger. Jonas sometimes. He liked the nickname. "You'd like me if you got to know me."_

"_Oh really?" she questioned, raising a blonde eyebrow in his direction – taking a step closer to the confident boy. _

"_Really, really…"_

"_I guess we'll never know…since you have to go back to New Jersey and all," she shrugged, stepping back. She didn't want to get close to the boy – she still wasn't sure of herself. _

"_It's sad…really," Joe nodded in agreement, noticing that time was running shorter by the second. He had to meet his brothers – they'd be worried about where he had wondered off too. He was known to get lost. "I should go…my brothers will be looking for me and my girlfriend will be worried."_

_For some unknown reason, Lola felt a pang in her chest. She had him pegged – he was a heartbreaker. They had talked for five minutes and although she hated his music and image; she had found something else in him. There was just something about Joe Jonas that left her breathless and all together heartbroken. "Girlfriend?"_

"_Girlfriend," Joe nodded, feeling guilty and wishing he was single._

"_Does she __**want**__ a motorcycle too? Listen to Tokio Hotel?" Lola didn't know why but she felt the urge to be able to picture this girl. To __**hate **__this girl._

_Joe tried to picture Stephanie on the back of a motorcycle and singing along to his favourite band – he had to stifle a chuckle. The image didn't come to mind. "No…definitely not. In fact…she'd probably pay someone to destroy the bike…and the tapes."_

"_Oh…I hadn't thought you were __**that**__ type."_

"_What type?"_

"_The type to settle for someone who's trying to change you…" Lola shrugged, biting her lip to hide the smile. She knew she had hit a sore spot when his eyes narrowed ever-so slightly. She was proud of herself that she had managed to hate someone she had never met._

"_I'm not."_

"_We'll see…"_

_Joe suddenly twitched, noticing the time on his watch. "Can I have your number?" he asked in a rush._

"_You have a girlfriend."_

"_She's not permanent. I want your number."_

"_You live in New Jersey."_

"_Also not permanent." Joe wondered where that came from – he had never thought of moving from New Jersey. "I want your number."_

"_Take a pill," Lola joked, shaking her head and laughing; relieved slightly, that he seemed interest despite the obstacle. She knew he was looking for a challenge and she was sure-as-hell going to offer one. She pulled his phone from his hand, quickly entering her details. Stepping flush against his body, she slipped the phone into his front jean-pocket; noticing that his jeans were just as tight as they seemed on TV. "Nice meeting you Joe Jonas," she whispered into his ear, her hands sliding from his front pocket back to her side – smiling as she felt him shiver against her._

"_Nice meeting you Lola Luftnagle," Joe swallowed, feeling his heart hitch as the smell of her engulfed him. Cinnamon – tangy and sweet, just what he pictured her to be. _

_Without thinking, he leaned forward and found her lips with his own. The kiss was soft and quick – just like a greeting. Like a first kiss should be._

_His phone beeped and Joe slowly pulled himself away to make an exit._

"_Bye Joe…"_

"_Oh Lola, Lola, Lola…this is definitely not goodbye," he murmured, his eyes still shut from the kiss. It was amazing just that simple moment – he had never felt anything like it. Licking his lips to taste her strawberry lip-gloss, he opened his eyes and smirked towards the pink-haired girl. "More like see you around," he said with a wink and started out of the door._

* * *

"I knew that day was something special…" he smiled gently, breathing slowly. He didn't know what she was trying to say with what she was doing but it brought everything back. Every little touch, every little spoken word – it was all coming back to him.

"You…you were everything I hated…you were pure, pop and so heartbreakingly wholesome that it was frightening to see. I didn't want to like you Joe…I didn't want anything to do with you…" Her words were honest, hitting right where she knew it would. He was always insecure about how she felt towards his music – it was a part of himself that he shared with the world but it was an important part of himself that needed to be accepted. He _needed_ her to like his music just as much as she liked him as a person.

He stepped back; putting some distance between the two of them. He had known that she didn't like _what _they were but he didn't realise her distaste for them had ran so deep. He didn't know what they had done to gain her hatred – it didn't make sense.

She could see the hurt that rippled through his body at her words but he needed to hear it. He needed hear exactly how she felt when it came to him. She needed to show just how much he had changed her – whether it be for the better or not.

"The image you were made into by my mother was exactly the image she tried to continuously portray herself as – all family values and innocence…it was something we had lost a long time ago…" She could see the understanding beginning to enter his gaze. It didn't do anyone any good hiding things from them and she was beginning to understand that – but first she needed him to understand just what was going through her head. It wasn't clear thought, it wasn't _pure _thought – it was completely opposite to how he viewed the world.

"When…when you came into the record store – all star-power and sure of yourself…I thought…I had seen the change time had done to you. You weren't that boy anymore – you weren't unsure of where you stood. You weren't still clinging to your dreams…you were _living _them. And…and you knew it. You knew how lucky you were to be where you were – you knew just how many people wanted it. You and your brothers had seamlessly stepped into the role of 'good-boys,' never to do a thing wrong. You were _too _perfect. You were _too_ innocent…." She was babbling, wringing her hands as his gaze never wavered. He was going to listen to what she had to say – hopefully providing him with the answer he wanted.

"I think…I think that's what drew me to you. You had given me two perfectly innocent kisses and I…I was hooked. For some unknown reason, you had gotten under my skin. I knew you didn't realise that I was Lola, you were just as easy to read then as you are now. You were all confidence and bravado but I could see the _you _underneath the act – that's what connected us. You had an image and so did I…except I was running from mine where you were embracing every aspect of it," she shrugged hopelessly, offering the boy an insight into how she actually saw him. He had told her over and over again that he wanted to know what she was thinking, how she was feeling but she had kept it to herself. She didn't want to damage what they had by revealing everything but he was continuously pushing for it and she couldn't hold herself back anymore. She couldn't _not _give him everything when he was pleading with her to give a part of herself to him.

"After that everything…everything pretty much spiraled out of control. You guys got so much bigger, Miley came into the picture, you learnt who I was, you had seen the parts of my life that I had been running from and…and I fell inlove with you. I fell inlove with every aspect that was you – from your obsession with overly-tight pants to the love you share with your family. You were the boy every mother wanted for her daughter; you were every girls' fantasy…" she smiled tiredly, straightening up. It wasn't difficult for her to express her love for him anymore, she had gotten past that aspect of her life – she could admit that fact to herself. She couldn't however, bring herself to let him all the way in; not after everything. He was just about there but then everything shattered – pieces of her life scattering on the floor.

Joe smiled gently, stifling a laugh at her fascination with his pants – he didn't really see the funny-side of them. He tried to step forward, wanting to embrace the blonde; her words were enough. She didn't need to say anything more – what she had given him was enough.

She stepped back, turning away as he faltered, looking towards her with confusion. She wasn't finished. She couldn't let him touch her until she had spoken what she needed too. "You weren't mine Joe…you weren't my fantasy," she whispered, quickly wiping away a fallen tear. She didn't want him to see that it was hurting her as much as it was hurting him. There was so much…so much that she wanted to do with him but she couldn't. She couldn't have the amount of pressure that he continuously put on her and she couldn't be continuously shying away from his touch or gaze.

"W…what?" he choked, ignoring her fallen tear. He had never heard her be so honest about something before and it was scaring him that it was about them. She had never spoken with such conviction before.

"You were never _my _fantasy Jay…mine was a lot more screwed up than you are…" She didn't want him stepping back. She didn't want to see him flinch at her words but he was. He was standing before her, shattering just as she had. She didn't want to see it but she knew she had to make him see – she couldn't be _in _it with him until he understood just what she was thinking.

"Lilly…you can't…you can't be serious," he murmured, running an agitated hand through his hair. He didn't know what she was trying to do but it wouldn't push him. He meant what he had said – he was _in _it for the long-haul. She was all he had ever wanted and he was going to fight for her – even at her discretion.

She held his gaze – trying to _show _him what she was trying to say. She didn't want any more pain in their life; she had brought so much with her that she didn't want to cause any more. She didn't want to have him close-in on himself again – she didn't want to be the _cause _of that.

She stepped forward, flushing their bodies together. She breathed in, remembering everything she loved about the boy. She brought her hand up to graze his cheek – looking directly into his eyes. She didn't want to step back but she didn't want to be where she was either. It was _too _confusing between them at the moment.

"You…you asked me if I was in this…whatever we are…" she whispered, smiling as he interlocked their fingers. She swallowed her tears, blinking her eyelashes as she tried to hide them.

He brought a hand up to mirror her actions as she grazed his cheek – interlocking their hands with the other. Leaning his forehead against hers, he let out a soft breath – relieved that he was allowed to touch her again. She was letting him back into her life and he was thankful for that. She was just a breath away that it was hard to notice anything apart from her watering eyes. Wiping away a fallen tear with the pad of his thumb, he let her continue – knowing she had too.

She sighed, trailing her hand to his neck and gripped tightly. She swallowed loudly, closing her eyes as she clenched and unclenched her fingers – gently scratching the back of his neck. Her hand fell from his neck, resting against his chest; just over his heart. Gripping the material of his shirt desperately, she let a sob break through as she pushed herself away. Staggering as she tore herself out of his grip; breaking the spell that he held over her.

"I…I can't…god…I'm sorry…but…but I just _can't_…" she breathed, turning away from him and storming out of the door. She couldn't do it when she was so confused. She couldn't give him _everything _when she could hardly find anything of herself. There was nothing of her to give him at the moment because she was still in pieces. She was still shattered and until she had pulled herself together, she couldn't offer anything of herself to anyone.

"Lilly?" he questioned, watching as she darted out of the hotel room. He was confused – at first she was there and then she had left him reeling. She drew him in and left him breathless. She wasn't supposed to run, she wasn't supposed to be afraid of him – she was supposed to be letting him in. "Lilly!" he shouted, chasing after the girl. He wasn't going to let her go that easily. He wasn't going to let her slip from his grasp once again. "Lilly!"

Their relationship was in tatters and he was willing to fix it but he needed her with him. He needed her by his side and supporting him to work through their problems. She couldn't keep running from everything when things got too hard and he needed to show her that. She needed to learn that when things got tough, she could lean on him for support. She could look towards him or his family for guidance every now and then – she didn't have to rely on herself anymore. He was going to be there for her through the rough times aswell as the good times – he just had to catch her first and let her hear him out. He needed her to listen to his words and allow him back into her heart again. He couldn't breath without her and he needed her back and he knew that she felt the same way she wouldn't be running if she didn't.

* * *

"_You're never gonna grow up are you?" Her blonde hair whipping around to stare fiercely at her daughter. She didn't want to be disappointed in the younger blonde – she had done so much but she had read the tabloids and witnessed the chemistry._

"_What?"_

"_You're always __**playing**__ a game with people…I know you…you shouldn't be playing with this one!" Her voice raised - showing just how angry she was. It didn't matter that it was her daughter, that she had pushed her into what she had become; she was playing with one of their biggest clients._

"_What are you on about?"_

_She thrust the magazine into her lap, pacing beside the younger girls' chair. She huffed loudly as her daughter chuckled – looking unbelievingly towards the picture that assaulted her vision. _

"_This…this is all __**wrong**__…you know…these guys aren't my type mother – I'd thought you'd notice that by now," she growled softly, flicking the magazine back onto the desk. She hated the paparrazi and the lies which seemed to follow them; she could hardly ever get any rest._

"_What I know Lillian…is that you just __**love **__to play games with people. See how long it takes for them to figure out that you're not all you're cracked up to be and then you just leave…leaving them to pick up the pieces," Heather snapped, leaning over her daughter – hands on either arm-rest of the chair. She hated that her daughter was so out-of-control but she couldn't think of any other way to control her. People had tried to straighten the girl out but she sarcastically tears them down and walked away smiling. Life appeared to be too much of a game for her daughter._

"_You'd think I'd play with __**them?**__ All whole-some and Disney? Really mother…do you know me at all?" she questioned, smirking slyly towards the elder blonde. She knew what her mother was getting at – it was hard due to her track-record but it was a promise she had to keep. All five of them had made a pact and she didn't ever break a promise._

_She stared at Lilly, sizing the younger girl up quizzically. She was her daughter – she deserved the benefit of the doubt but there was always something else to Lillian. There had never been a word without an ulterior motive coming out of her daughters mouth since her fathers' death and it was becoming tiresome. She realized that to lose a father was heart-breaking but life was still worth living. It was still waiting to be taken advantage of. _

"_I think the question is Lillian…what are you going to do to fix it?"_

"_It doesn't need to be fixed! There's nothing there! There's nothing there to fix," she retorted, glaring at her mother. It wasn't difficult for her emotions to grow out-of-control and it always seemed to be her mother that pushed her buttons. _

"_You're telling me you feel nothing for this boy?"_

_Lilly held her stare, raising an eyebrow in challenge. She didn't falter under her gaze. She didn't want to hide her relationship but she knew what her mother was like – she'd tear it apart piece by piece. She didn't want that; not when her heart was desperately hanging on. "Yes."_

"_You're lying."_

"_And you're reaching mother…I thought you would've learnt by now," she shrugged, standing from the chair. She didn't feel the need to stay any longer – the conversation was just going to be repetitive. Her mother never gave up when she thought she was right and she didn't want to give the woman any indication that she was. _

"_I'm sending Carl with you everywhere you go for a month…you'll never be alone with them," Heather instructed, falling into her chair. She had had enough of her daughter playing games with the clients and she knew the only way to get her to stop, was to be carefully watched. Lillian knew the consequences of her actions but she only figured that out when she was caught – Carl was always the one that could speak some sense into her. _

"_You have no idea what you're doing," Lilly retorted, glaring at Heather. She knew what her mother was up to but she knew just how to stop it. Her mother couldn't control her life if she didn't know the aspects of it. She had learnt to hide so many things from the woman that it was easy to skirt around subjects – unless she was constantly watched._

"_Carl with be with you every step of the way Lillian – whether you like it or not," she shrugged, turning her attention back towards the tabloid. Her gaze focused in on the picture of the two – both blondes strikingly similar. It wasn't a secret that her family was in-trouble but she didn't need people pointing out that fact. Her family was __**her **__family; she'd deal with as she saw fit. _

_--_

"_Were you ever going to tell me?" she asked, her gaze trained on the window. She was standing, arms wrapped around her torso and her forehead leaning against the glass._

"_I didn't think there was anything to tell," she shrugged, turning the chair to face her daughter. She could read the younger girls' posture clearly – it wasn't hard when she was dealing with relatives. It was the truth though, it didn't concern them anymore – her father had taken the secret to his grave._

"_You don't think I have a right to know?" Her breaths fogged the window; showing that she __**was **__still alive. It was hard – there wasn't any love left between them. Their relationship was no long familial, it was just business. There was too bitterness between them to ever get back to a different relationship._

"_I didn't think you'd __**want **__to know," she retorted, raising an eyebrow. She knew that the girl was upset, it was easy enough to see, but she did what she had thought was right. Their family was built on secrets and the revealed one was causing a domino effect. She didn't want Lilly to be torn apart but she could see it happening – she could see her daughter shattering and she knew that she was a catalyst._

"_You know nothing about me anymore mother," she scoffed, crossing her arms in defiance. She hated that there was such a distance between the two of them but she couldn't think of a bridge to build – she didn't know if she wanted too. There was so much history, too much history for them to go back to the way they were before – it was too hazy to remember. This was her family and she'd live with it; even if it wasn't what she had dreamed._

"_Whose fault is that?" Tilting her head, she studied her daughter. They were strikingly familiar – both blonde and gorgeous. She knew Lilly didn't think she was beautiful but she was; she just didn't notice all the stares she received. _

_Her jaw dropped at the audacity of her mothers' comment. She knew her mother was devious, she had heard the stories, but she didn't think she'd manipulate her own daughter. It was hard enough to walk the halls of the company since her father had died but her mother was making it harder and harder every day. _

"_You're unbelievable mother," she sighed, laughter lacing her tone. She couldn't believe her actions and she hated the woman for that. She hated that the elder woman could get so far under her skin that she lost control of herself. She hated the fact that she was left with the woman rather than her father – she regretted the pain that her mother continuously hid. She had never seen her cry, or slip from her faced – she was a completely different person. Time had changed so many things between all of them._

"_It's a simple questions Lillian," she stated non-chantly, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Her daughter was too sentimental when it came to the heart and she needed to teach her to distance herself. Lillian needed to learn that sometimes emotions only got in the way and they needed to be ignored. Sometimes you needed to step away from everything to really judge what was happening – Lillian needed to learn that before she got anywhere in the world; before she got anywhere in the company._

"_She was my sister," she snapped, narrowing her eyes dangerously towards the elder blonde. Her fists clenched tightly as the woman only stared lazily – a smirk slowly coming into play. She didn't think her mother would keep something so important from her; especially when they were barely a family to begin with. She had deserved to know about her sister even if her mother didn't accept the child. Everything didn't always revolve around the elder Truscott._

"_She was illegitimate Lillian – she wasn't your sister," Heather stated, watching her daughter carefully. She could see the barely hidden rage coursing through her daughters' body and sighed regretfully. Lillian would never learn when emotions controlled her – it was a weakness. She would teach her daughter to prosper through the pain even if it resulted in her daughter hating her. _

"_She was! She was Dads! She had…she had his eyes! She looked __**just **__like me! How can you say she's not family?!" Her emotions got out of control – tears clouding her vision. She couldn't believe her mothers' coldness – the girl was so much more that what her mother perceived her to be. She knew it would hurt; a daughter that had been mothered by another was a shock. It was just one of the many secrets her family concealed from the world and from each other. _

"_Control yourself Lillian," she instructed, glancing over the younger girls shoulder and out towards the people below the window. They were all so curious and easy enough to manipulate into what she wanted that there would always be an ample amount of 'star' talent. Everyone wanted the fame and she could help them achieve that – with alittle adaptation towards their actions. She could make someone into __**something**__ but they needed to be controlled. _

"_You control yourself mother," she snapped, running a frustrated hand through her hair. It was difficult to understand why her mother had turned so distant towards emotions but she hated it. Love wasn't defined by rules and regulations – it was passionate and uncontrollable. Emotion couldn't be confined to just words and deep breaths; it needed an outlet. It had been too long since her mother had expressed any sort of emotion other than distaste._

"_She's dead now anyway…what do you care?" she waved off, turning her attention back towards the paper-work on her desk. She needed to be careless when it came to her husbands discretions otherwise the pain would be too much. She couldn't think straight when emotion got in the way and to run the business, she needed to have a clear head. No matter what her husband had done – it didn't involve her anymore. He was dead and gone just as his illegitimate daughter. _

"_**She **__has a name mother! Serenity! You'd know that if you took a step outside your little office…" She couldn't handle having her mother acting this way. It wasn't like she used to be – her mother never used to be as cold as she was. She was just wondering where the love had gone when her father had died. _

"_You will not speak to me that way Lillian," Heather growled, her fingers cleansing around the pen she was holding. She didn't want to be angry at her daughter but she was pushing her limits. There was only so much she could take before she snapped and lost control – despite her distance from the situation._

"_Serenity is dead mother…one way or another I __**will**__ pay respect to that," Lilly whispered coldly, stalking towards the door. Her sister was killed and her mother didn't care – albeit the girl was __**her **__daughter, but she was still blood to her. The blonde girl was still everything she had wished for in a sister since she had met her. There was an instant connection and she wanted to pay respect to that. She wanted to pay respect to both her father and the child he had bared. _

"_You will go nowhere near that memorial – if people see you there…they'll make the connections," she snapped, slamming her hands onto the table. She didn't want to lose control and she was trying to restrain herself but her daughter was pushing just alittle too much. Lillian never knew when to quit; it was one of the qualities she had gotten from her father._

"_I don't give a fuck mother – she was my sister and I'm proud of that. I may have only known her for a short period of time, but she was it for me. I knew, just by looking at her that she was Dads' – it's as clear as day…why can't you see that?" She was pleading, she knew that but she couldn't stop herself. She didn't want her mother to be angry at her but she couldn't deny the connection she felt with her 'sister.' It was true, they had only met in secret about 4 months ago but the girl, Serenity, was everything a parent could have wished for. It was just sad that she had grown up without the support of a father – she had vanished in the process of foster care._

"_You expect me to accept a child that you're father made with some whore? I don't think so Lillian," Heather scoffed, running a tired hand through her hair. The conversation was getting tiring – it was too repetitive. Of course she had known about the girl from day one; Derek could never hide anything from her. The man was a terrible liar when it came to the heart – just as his daughter._

"_She shouldn't have grown up the way she did…you know Dad wouldn't have wanted that. There would've been so mu-"_

"_She's dead now Lillian…there's no sense on dwelling in 'could've beens…' It's time to move forward."_

_Lilly moved towards the door, already having enough of her mothers' attitude and the topic of the conversation. She couldn't deal with the woman when she was like she was – it was hard enough when there was reason involved. "I'm going to the funeral mother…either way, she was my sister and I…I loved her…for what I knew of her, I loved her. You can't take that away from me…"_

"_You will not go young lady…not if you know what's goo-"_

"_You can't take away what I feel mother, despite your hardest attempts – the girl was family. You can't stop me from going," she interrupted, her back turned and hand tensing around the door-knob. She didn't want to leave the conversation as it was but there was no reasoning with her mother when an idea was formed in her blonde head. She was as hard-headed as she was smart and sometimes it resulted in a lethal concoction. There was so much that her mother didn't know but __**could**__ know if she ever looked outside of herself for once. _

"_She was just some girl Lillian…you can't possibly call her family…" Her tone was soft, wafting through the still air. She could feel a decision forming but she didn't know the outcome. Her daughter was as unpredictable as she was intelligent and the combination was lethal. _

_Lilly turned, leaning her back against the door as she stared at her mother. The woman was growing older and she could see the years the job had worn into her mothers skin – the imperfections showing her knowledge. Her gaze was steady as she breathed in slowly; exhaling loudly as her mother patiently waited for a response. _

"_I don't…I don't think I can forgive you for this mother. I know what it's like to keep a secret but I also know when they need to be told. To keep a family member…to keep a child a secret – how did you carry that burden? How could you, when I asked about dad, just stand there and act as you are now? How could you lie straight to my face? I never thought I could hate you mother but…but you keep pushing like you are…and I'm bound to fall off the edge," she whispered, quietly opening the door and exiting. She knew her words had impact – she had not been interrupted. She let the tears fall, allowing the emotions to control her. She didn't want to hate her mother but there was just too much kept away from her that the emotion was creeping up slowly. She was slowly falling into the depths of hate and she didn't think she could be saved – she didn't think her relationship with her mother could be saved. Time had changed too much between them and with her sisters death – her trust for her mother had died aswell. There wasn't anything left to lose and she could live without her mother for now; bridges could be built in-time but for now, hatred coursed through her veins._

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_**So there it is...Lilly turned away and she won't be coming back for while...It'll be explain in later chapters but SHOCKING...Lillian has a sister - that died. There'll be glimpses of her throughout some of the story and there's a big reason as to why she was introduced now...which again, will be explained later on lols! I've got it all planned so it shouldn't take long to put onto paper! Yus!! Haha! **_

_**Hopefully you guys liked it? Yes? No? Maybe?**_

_**Please read and REVIEW!! I does help get the juices flowing for more drama and content for the chapters. Knowing that people are enjoying the story is number one priority and with now reviews...I begin to think that no-one likes it :( Hopefully I'm wrong...?**_

_**Anyway...hope you enjoyed reading this so far!!**_

_**Thanks again!**_

_**Sparks...:P**_


	11. Different POV redone

_**Hey guys...betcha you thought this story was long forgotton huh? **_

_**I'm sorry!!! I've just had the majorist writers block!! I honestly couldn't come up with anything... it was very annoying!!**_

_**Just to let you know...**_

_**This story will be completed!!! Even if it takes forever!!!**_

_**This is d e d i c a t e d to Tori91JL (kicked me into gear!) :)**_

_**Hope you all enjoy!!

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It was something different to watch – his anger…his hatred towards just about anything. He was _never_ angry the first time. It was never about hatred – he was just so _lost._ Everything around him had just crumbled and he was left with only a few pieces; the rest were with her. The rest of _him…_well, it was with _her._

Now…now he felt the anger. He felt the betrayal. He felt the loss but molded it into something else – into something lethal. He needed to shatter things, he needed to _break _things just to make the pain less and…and we let him. We let him express what he needed to express because we knew it had to be done. We knew that to find a way to forget her, he needed a way to express what she had done to him – what she had left him to become.

I think the hardest part was to watch it all. We could only helplessly watch them crumble. We could only helplessly watch them crack and split and finally shatter. It wasn't supposed to be that way with them…it wasn't supposed to be so difficult. I know they love each other but there was so much that was kept hidden. There were so many secrets between the two – on both their parts – that I think it became too much. I think…I _think_ it all came at them too fast. There wasn't time to breathe. There wasn't a break where they could just sit and watch the stars.

"You've gotta stop staring sometime…" His voice wavered as his arms slipped around my waist. I breathed deeply as he nestled his chin on my shoulder – a sigh escaping his lips.

"It shouldn't be this way…he shouldn't _feel_ this way," I whispered, leaning my head against his – taking comfort in his presence. I knew how hard it was for him; family was the most important thing and it was hard to watch one member crumble.

I heard him breathe deeply, his eyes scrutinizing his brother. "Sometimes love hurts…"

I paused, watching him as he broke everything around him. I held back the tears as he growled in frustration – pausing as he looked around him.

His knee's buckled, hitting the floor with a dull _thud_ and his elder brother was there immediately – wrapping the boy in his arms and lending him his shoulder.

"Go…" I instructed, stepping out of the boys' embrace. Love shouldn't hurt, not the breath-taking kind-of love that they had had – it was supposed to be a fairytale.

"Miles…" he breathed, brushing his fingertips over my left cheek. Closing my eyes, I stepped back further – I didn't want to be here anymore.

"Go Nick…he need's you _both_…" I could here the choke in my voice but I straightened my shoulders as I felt his gaze. Opening my eyes I could see his confusion – he wanted to be with me but he needed to be with his brother at the moment.

"It's okay…" I smiled as he was there in a second – one strong family unit. I remember when my friends used to be that; we were each others' family. It was uncomfortable to be in place at the moment – the one who had destroyed him was my best-friend. I didn't want to be here anymore; I shouldn't be here anymore.

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The transition over a couple of months didn't help; especially when we were all signed under _her _company. After only one phone-call, communication between us had ceased. It was too painful to talk with both so we had to decide and we decided on Joe. He was the victim – even she had said so.

'_Miley…I'm sorry…'_

'_You shouldn't be apologizing to me Lillian,' I snapped, clenching the cell-phone in my hand. I didn't want to hear her excuses – not when I had seen the damage only a day earlier._

'_I did what I had to do…'_

_I sighed – I could hear her tears. She knew just what to do to get me to listen and she was pulling out all the stops – it must've been important._

'_Miles? I just…just be there for him okay? Make sure he stays as he was…I don't want the anger to consume him…'_

'_I'm not…I don't think I'm the right person for this. Why can't you tell Kevin or N-'_

'_I've talked to them…and Oliver….I'm sorry it had to be like this, especially when we were both living our fairytales…'_

'_Why'd you do it Lils? Just tell me…just tell me that…please…' I was choking on my own tears hearing hers – I didn't want to feel sorry for her. She had left such a shattered picture that I knew, I knew that the pieces wouldn't fit perfectly back together. _

'_I'm not ready Miles…I'm not ready to be __**that**__ for Joe. I can't give him everything when I don't even know what there is of me to give. I don't know what's left of me and I need to do that before I do anything else. I need to figure myself out…'_

'_And you couldn't have told the boy instead of running out?! Like you always do?!' My emotions were getting the best of me but I needed to know the answer – so many things could have been different had the girl just stayed._

'_I've gotta go Miley but please…just help him…'_

_The dial-tone echoed as I held the phone tighter, clinging to that one plea from my bes…my ex-best-friend. So much had changed in such little time that I was surprised I didn't have whip-lash. I needed to get back to the basics. I needed to get back to family._

_That_ phone-call was the last we had heard of Lillian. She had placed another person in-charge of our division at Hollywood Records – only placing opinions once the CD had been completed. We didn't pass her in hallways or on the sidewalk. She had managed to instruct all Hollywood Record employees to notify her whenever we were on-site – skillfully avoiding any contact with us at all. It was gratifying and annoying at the same time. We were thankful that she was making the break clean but we knew that there'd come a time where we'd all come face-to-face. It was life, not a fairytale and we knew that the ripples were about to resurface.

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_**I know I know!!! It's so short...compared to the others!!**_

_**I'm sorry but it's the best I could come up with...I think it's good ending there...abit of a cliff hanger???**_

_**I've got some ideas for some plot twist but feel free to suggest anything if you would like, you never know! It could end up in the story!!!**_

_**Review, review, review!!!**_

_**xox  
**_


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